


ask me to stay

by oyprongs



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fusion, F/M, Underage Drinking, anyway enjoy, i can't believe i wrote this whole thing fuck, wow this was a wild ride
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 21:16:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9516575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oyprongs/pseuds/oyprongs
Summary: It starts with a biology project and a kiss. // dawson's creek au





	

**Author's Note:**

> title, general plot line, and one line of dialogue from the tv show dawson's creek

It’s starts with a biology project and a kiss.

She got a D on the test and was required to try extra credit, while he wanted extra credit only for the best chance at college. They were paired together on the assignment to study snails, of all things, and it was incredibly boring and mundane. Since Maya paid absolutely no attention in biology class, she accidentally placed a carnivorous snail in the tank with their own snails and predictably, they were both eaten. It was a dumb mistake, she admitted it, and Lucas understandably got mad because You ruined our project, Maya! and she felt bad, really. 

They headed out on Lucas’s rowboat to scavenge for snails, and maybe she also forgot to tie it up after they were done and on shore, and it was floating away on the creek, surrounded by reeds. Lucas got frustrated, again, and she still didn’t blame him, but she goaded him anyway, saying you’re not afraid of water, are you, Ranger Rick? He rolled his eyes, but they waded through the creek, swimming all the way back to the end where he left his pickup. They were drenched and shivering as they left the water, and he handed her a thick, wool blanket, telling her to change into it. She raised her eyebrows, but took it from his hands anyway.

“You trying to get me naked, Huckleberry?”

He blushed, flustered, and vehemently denied her accusation, and she enjoyed watching him trip over his words a bit. When they had both turned away from each other to change, she chanced a peek back and saw him strip off his shirt, and she stared a little longer than she should have, but whipped her head back when it seemed like he might catch her watching. She was not supposed to do that. 

They drove back to her house and changed into dry clothes, and he borrowed Shawn’s even though they were a little bit too small for him. Lucas noticed a new painting leaning against the wall in the living room and when he mentioned it, she brushed it off with a casual, “It’s nothing.” He picked it up anyway to inspect it a little closer. It was of Riley. The way Maya used colors was so distinct, it was like the sunlight bathed her brown hair in gold. Her cheeks were full and her eyes were lit up like little moons, and he thought no one has ever captured her beauty like this. Maya caught him as he lost himself in her drawing, and she cleared her throat to get his attention. He coughed, setting the painting back down on the floor.

“Cat got your tongue, Huckleberry?” she was watching him, eyes narrowed, with a cup of coffee clutched in between her palms.

“You know it’s my parents that are from Texas, right?” he said to her as he walked into the kitchen and leaned back on the counter beside her. “I literally grew up here. Like, right by you.”

She rolled her eyes and offered him a cup of coffee.

“It’s a really good painting, you know,” he remarked, taking the mug from her. It was decorated with flowers and stars and a creek, and he knew she drew it on with some special marker. “I can just imagine you in ten years in New York, with your own art studio or something, selling your work to billionaires.” He grinned down at her, and she scoffed at the suggestion.

“Please, I’m never getting out of this hellhole.”

“Don’t say that,” his voice was less joking now. “I wouldn’t bet against you.” 

And when he looked at her again, with a soft smile, her stomach flipped just the tiniest bit, but she knew it meant nothing. Because he was Lucas, and Lucas was one of the nicest boys she knew, and he just said things like that, and it always meant nothing. He liked Riley. So, she rolled her eyes again and said, “Don’t get all sappy on me, Huckleberry,” before walking away. 

He laughed, low and loud, behind her. 

They stopped by the fair to see how it was, and Riley was there on a date with Charlie, which she somehow got roped into, and Maya could tell Lucas was jealous by the way his jaw ticked and he crossed his arms like a petulant child when Riley threw Charlie a sweet, gracious smile. Maya sighed in frustration and pulled him by the arm back to the truck after only twenty minutes to take her home. He complied with little pushback, because she knew he didn’t want to be near Riley and Charlie at that moment.

When he parked the car at her house, he got out to walk her to her door, and she rolled her eyes again at his manners, but when he placed his hand on her arm, the quietest gesture, she couldn’t help but smile slightly. He said goodbye, and was about to turn away when she grabbed his wrist to stop him. He faced her, brows furrowed, and she reached up on her toes to press her lips to his. He was frozen, and she only stayed in that position for a few seconds before pulling back and resting her weight on her heels once again. Lucas stared at her in shock, like he couldn’t quite wrap his head around what had just happened, and she did nothing but stare back and tried not to think about how it hurt.

Finally, he cleared his throat. “Um, Maya, I…”

“You like Riley,” she nodded. She stated it matter-of-fact like she knew it before, and she did. That was why she kissed him. Kind of.

“Yeah,” he swallowed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Wait, if you knew that, why did you kiss me?”

“Because you like Riley, and Riley likes you, but both of you are too stupid to make a move. So I made one for you.” It was the truth, at least halfway, and it was what she was going to tell Riley on Monday, but it was also the best lie she could come up with. If she was being honest with herself, her heart ached a little when he didn’t kiss back. 

“Right…thanks, I guess,” Lucas said, his voice still laced with confusion, and turned around to get in his truck. Maya didn’t watch him drive away, instead going straight inside her house, pretending like this was really what she wanted all along.

***

Riley and Lucas were soulmates. They knew it, Maya knew it, Zay, Farkle, and Smackle knew it. They were the next Cory and Topanga, the perfect couple. They had been best friends since they were little, and Lucas would crawl through Riley’s window every Friday night to watch movies, and even though Riley and Maya were also best friends, Riley and Lucas were different. Because Riley and Lucas were in love, of course, and they always had been. Everyone knew it. 

When Lucas moved to Capeside at four years old, he’d met Riley and Maya as they played in Riley’s front yard, and Riley thought he would be the Cory to her Topanga, the boy she was meant to be with, so Maya shoved her to him unceremoniously in a backyard in late July, and they’d all been friends since. 

It was just how it was, and how it had always been. So no one was surprised when they dated for almost a full year shortly after Maya kissed Lucas. And Maya forgot her part in it just as easily as she forgot the knot in her stomach when Lucas smiled at her. While Riley and Lucas were busy being sickeningly cute, she dated Missy Bradford for a eight months and liked it. Missy felt like love and it was wild, the way Maya got lost in her. But it ended, because Maya could never seem to catch a break, and she was left picking up the pieces of her shattered heart on a dock at midnight. So she didn’t feel like listening when Riley asked her to look after Lucas when the two break up themselves. Riley claimed she needed to find herself, to grow separately from the boy she’d always grown with. And Lucas, to his credit, respected that and let her go, and when Riley asked Maya to make sure he was okay for the rest of the year, she reluctantly agreed, and left to find Lucas on the other side of the creek. He was sitting by the water with his feet beneath the surface, staring up at the dimming moonlight above him. Maya dropped her flip-flops on the wood and plopped herself right next to him, her toes barely grazing the water next to his. He looked down and over at her but didn’t say anything, merely furrowing his brow and pursing his lips slightly. She could tell he wasn’t angry, just sad, in the way his hands were balled up in his lap and his jaw wasn’t tight, but slack with exhaustion. She looked at him for a bit, studying the irises in his eyes and the tiny freckles across his cheeks, before turning away to stare at the calm water.

“Getting dumped sucks, huh?” It was all she could really think to say, because her tears are all out and words were lost on her at the moment, and Lucas had never been one for mush and empty comfort, at least not from her.

He let out a shaky breath next to her, and she could hear his laugh come through the sound, and he just responded with a quiet, “Yeah.”

Maya slipped her arm through his, resting her head on his shoulder, and it was a little strange, because their relationship wasn’t built off this intimacy, but it felt nice nonetheless. “Who needs them anyway?”

She could tell he smiled above her, leaning his head against hers, and she thought, we do, we do. But then, with the quiet lapping of the water on wood and the slightest sway of the wind, and Lucas warm beside her, she felt a little bit better. 

***

Two days later Missy gave her a box of her stuff back like some dumb cliché, and Maya wanted to throw it in the river, but instead she tucked it underneath her bed and watched comedies in her room until two a.m. 

***

That Monday, someone stole the PSAT and it was a complete shit show as they all tried to figure out who the culprit was. When Maya showed the copy to them, she wasn’t being serious about cheating at all, really. She was going to let it go and take the test as normal, but when a fire drill conveniently took place after she’d let her friends know, the test had disappeared from the desk. 

She knew it couldn’t have been Riley or Lucas, do-gooders as they were, and Smackle and Farkle were too smart to need to cheat, and Zay was all-talk when it came to breaking rules. Her only real suspect was Missy, and she was going to tell Riley as much when they were walking down the pier one night after pizza.

“So, I’ve been thinking about the PSAT, Riles, and –”

“– I know it was you, Maya,” Riley blurted, stopping in her tracks.

Maya turned around at her friend’s accusation, stopping her movement as well. “What?”

“Maya, you were the one who had the copy in the first place, and well, you’ve cheated before,” Riley shrugged. “I’m not dumb. But it’s not right, okay?”

“I know that, thanks,” Maya deadpanned. “Do you seriously think I would actually steal the test? That’s what you think of me?” 

“It’s obvious, Maya! Who else would it be? Lucas? Smackle?”

“No, but it doesn’t matter!” Maya shaked her head in disbelief as she yelled, ignoring the looks from passersby. “I never thought it was you, Riley, and I expected that you wouldn’t think it  
was me either. I thought my best friend would have a little more faith in me.”

“I do have faith in you, Maya,” Riley implored, reaching out to grab Maya’s hand.

Maya brushed her hand off and said, “Clearly not,” before stalking away.

***

She ended up on the dock by Lucas’s house after six shots of her mom’s gin, staring blankly across the creek. 

“Maya?” She heard him before she saw him, from his voice calling out cautiously and the creak of the wood as he made his way over to her. “What are you doing here?” 

She felt him before she saw him, too, his arm barely grazing hers when he sat on the dock beside her, the light puff of his breath on her ear as he stared at her. 

Lucas took in her flushed cheeks and glazed eyes and furrows his brows, “Are you drunk?”

Maya rolled her eyes, staring resolutely at the water. “What do you think?” She tried not to slur her words, but ultimately failed. 

Lucas sighed, turning his gaze away from her. “So, what happened?”

“Let’s see, my best friend accused me of stealing a test so I can cheat on it, even though it was obviously Missy, but seeing as how I’m this town’s resident loser, it has to be me.” Maya could feel tears building up in her eyes, and she shielded her face from Lucas so he wouldn’t see. “Oh, and my ex-girlfriend gave me a box of my stuff, which really helped my mood.”

“You’re not the resident loser.” Lucas stated it like a fact, his voice firm and authoritative.

“You’re in the minority with that opinion, Ranger Rick.” 

“Maybe so, but it’s the right one. And you should be in the minority, too.” 

“Is that some roundabout way of telling me I should believe in myself or some shit?”

Lucas chuckled. “Yeah, it is.”

“What’s the point in believing in myself when the one person who always has doesn’t?” Because that’s basically what the situation was. Riley was and always had been her go-to, the one person who never looked at her the way everyone else did. 

“The point is that you should be that person for yourself.”

“Jesus.”

“I’m serious,” Lucas continued, ignoring her comment. “Plus, I never thought it was you.”

“Can you tell Riley that?” Maya’s turned to face him now, and she swiped the tears from her eyes, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear to see him better.

“No, because we both know Riley’s realized her mistake by now. She’s probably kicking herself for ever thinking it was you. She’ll show up to your house with a big teddy bear and some chocolates to make amends.” 

Maya laughed, quiet and subdued. Lucas smiled at her, a wide and open grin, and pushed himself up to stand on the dock. He held out a hand by her side.

“Come on, you need to drink some water.”

She took his hand with a grumble and stumbled into his side, swaying, but he kept her steady as they walked back to his house. 

“God, I really am a screw up,” she said under her breath as she felt her head dizzy from the gin.

“Not at all.”

***

“So, Ranger Rick, I’ve got a proposition for you,” Maya said to Lucas as she approached him by his locker, leaning her shoulder against the metal and peering up at him.

“Do tell,” Lucas said, smirking at her.

“Well, I’ve got something I need to pick up, and I was wondering if you’d like to join me.”

“Sure, when?”

“Now.”

“Now?” Lucas stopped organizing his books and looked at Maya. “It’s the middle of the school day.”

“So? Just skip.”

“Skip?” Lucas stared at her incredulously.

“Yes, Huckleberry, skip. What do you have, chemistry? You’ve got an A, you’ll live.”

“What do you need to pick up in the middle of a school day?”

“You know, stuff,” Maya shrugged. 

“Stuff?” Lucas repeated, eyebrows wrinkling together. But he was a little curious, and he knew she could tell that he was, too. 

“If you don’t want to come, you can just go spend fifty minutes learning about electronegativity or some shit and you’ll never have to know what I’m doing.”

Lucas faltered, hesitating for a minute.

“How about this? I’ll give you ten seconds to make your decision while I walk away.” Maya made good on her promise, turning away from Lucas and counting under her breath, and she had gotten to nine when she felt a hand land on her shoulder. She grinned, grabbing his other one and leading him to the door. 

“Let’s go, Hop-a-long.”

***

“You seriously won’t tell me what it is?” Lucas grumbled as they walked along the road. He was holding a cardboard box underneath his arm, and every time he so much as tried to peek at the contents inside Maya swatted his hand away.

“It has to be revealed at the right time and place,” Maya said resolutely.

“Whatever you say, Hart.” 

Maya only smirked in response.

“Can you at least tell me where we’re going, then?”

“Nope, can’t do that either.” At Lucas’s groan, Maya replied, “It’s all part of the surprise, Huckleberry. You’ll find out soon enough.”

“And soon enough will be when, exactly?”

“Well, when this car inevitably stops to give us a ride,” Maya said, sticking her thumb out as a black car came speeding down the road. 

“We’re going to hitchhike to our destination?” Lucas clarified, and Maya smiled and gave a “yep!” in response. The car started to slow down as it approached the two teenagers.

“See, Huckleberry, my plan is working out already.”

Lucas was about to roll his eyes, but before he could, he realized he definitely recognized the car that was almost completely halted before them. “Wait, Maya…”

It was too late, though, as Maya bent down slightly to peer through the window, but inside was not a stranger, but Mr. Matthews. 

“Need a ride back to school, kids?” 

They both winced at the disappointed look on his face. Lucas sighed and opened the door for Maya, who rolled her eyes and made some snarky comment about him being a gentleman as she got in the backseat.

“Yeah, your plan is really foolproof,” he whispered to her when they’re both seated, heading back to school and surely a detention as well.

“Shut up.”

***

They ended up being forced to dress up as the school mascot (a donkey) for the pep rally, but they were able to convince two freshmen to do it instead, narrowly escaping being trapped inside a hot and dark wooden animal for a half hour. But Lucas came to the docks later that afternoon because Maya told him to when they were conniving freshmen. When he showed up, he saw Maya standing atop a rusty, battered little boat in rolled up jeans and a white tank top, her hair pulled into a messy ponytail, tugging on a thick rope. She didn’t notice him until he was right up against the boat, knocking three times against the wood. 

“Jesus, Huckleberry, way to sneak up on me.”

“Sorry,” he shrugged, stepping towards the ladder propped up on the side of the boat. Maya raised her eyebrows and held a hand out to stop him.

“What do you think you’re doing, Friar?”

Lucas rolled his eyes, but more in humor than in exasperation, and asked, “Permission to come aboard?”

Maya shrugged. Her eyes were gleaming bright blue, and her hair whipped in the wind, a yellow blur against the purple sky. “I guess I’ll allow it.” 

Lucas climbed up onto the deck and moved his hand in a sweeping motion. “So, what is this?”

“What does it look like?”

“A boat.”

“By golly, he’s got it!” Maya exclaimed, throwing her hands up in mock celebration. “I bought it for three hundred dollars, and I’m fixing it up. I’m gonna have it ready to sail by summer.” 

“Are you serious? Maya, do you know how much work this is?”

“Well, that’s why I have you to help, isn’t it?” She said it as she handed him a sander, and looked pointedly towards the side. Lucas sighed, taking the sander from her grasp and heading over to start working, not even bothering to argue. But suddenly, as he remembered why he was even there in the first place, he straightened again and called to Maya, who was on the other side of the boat. 

“Are you going to show me the reason why I skipped school with you, or are you just going to exploit me for labor for the next year?”

Maya laughed, responding, “Definitely the second one.” But she had already put her sander down and was reaching for the cardboard package resting against the edge of the boat. She pulled out a plaque and flipped it over for Lucas to see the front. Embedded in gold letters against polished dark wood read only one word: Hope. 

He smiled and furrowed his eyebrows at the same time. 

“What? Too sappy?” Maya leaned over to peer at the letters. 

“No, I’m just surprised you chose that.”

“Well, it was actually Riley’s idea, and you know her,” Maya said, slipping the plaque smoothly back into its cardboard box. “Steamroller.”

Lucas laughed, nodding. “You don’t like it?”

Maya smiled slightly, only the corners of her mouth quirking upward, before shrugging. “It’s growing on me. Now, get back to work, Huckleberry.”

***

Maya and Zay started hooking up somewhere in the beginning of junior year. It was a conscious, calculated decision on both of their parts. They were good friends and both attractive people, so why not get something out of the relationship, right? 

But when they actually started it was awkward and uncomfortable, and there was really nothing there. Which was the point in the first place: no emotions. But well, with no emotions, it made the hook up fairly bland.

“We’re two very attractive people who are clearly attracted to each other,” Zay said when they were lying in her bed one day. “What’s the problem?”

“I don’t know!” Maya exclaimed, throwing her arms up in exasperation. “We have the perfect location, since Shawn and my mom are out. We have protection,” she patted the condom in her back pocket. “It’s just kind of, well…meh.”

“Meh! That’s exactly what it is,” Zay nodded emphatically. “No sexual tension.”

“So, what do we do now?”

“Maybe it’ll get better,” he shrugged. 

“Yeah, I guess.”

At that moment Maya heard the door open, and she could only assume it was either Shawn or her mom, and since she was skipping school and had a boy in her room, she grabbed Zay’s hand and booked it out the window. 

***

When she got back to school, Lucas caught up to her on her way to math class, which she unfortunately didn’t miss during her rendezvous with Zay. 

“Hey, Huckleberry, what’s up?” 

“Where were you in English class?”

“Just needed some air,” she responded lightly.

“You skipped.” His face was serious as he said it, and she rolled her eyes at his tone. “You should really go to class, Maya.”

“Whatever you say, Moral Compass. Anyway, you skipped school with me only a few weeks ago.” She knew she stumped him with that comment, and he stopped walking and frowned, before shaking his head and changing the subject.

“I need a favor from you.”

“Oh? And what’s that?” She turned away from and started walking again.

“I have an art project coming up, and I really need to do well because I need a good grade to keep my GPA up,” he caught up to her, looking down at her pleadingly as they walked.

“So you need assistance? From moi?” She placed a hand on her chest dramatically. 

“Please, Maya, I’ll do anything.”

She halted in front of the classroom door. “Anything?”

“Yes, anything.”

“Anything anything?”

“Aside from sexual favors.”

Maya scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Lucas laughed, but put his puppy dog eyes on to convince her.

“Fine, I’ll help you. But only if you enter into a dance scholarship with me.” 

“A dance scholarship?”

“The winner gets fifteen hundred dollars and I need money! Plus, you said you’d do anything. Are you backing out of your promise?”

“No. I’ll do it. How does it work?”

“Well, there are lessons. Every day at five sharp. See you then!” With that, Maya sauntered into the classroom before he could respond. 

***

Maya was lying on Riley’s bed that same night, the two of them preparing for Friday movie night. Everyone else had other plans, and Riley had wanted some solo Maya time that night. They had a bowl of popcorn in between them, all set to watch E.T. for the tenth time, when Maya suddenly remembered something, which was actually quite minor.

“Oh, I brought you a Snickers!” She knew they were Riley’s favorite. She reached in her back pocket and pulled it out, handing it to Riley. 

“Thanks, Peaches!”

“No problem. I’m gonna run to the bathroom. Don’t start the movie without me!”

“No promises!” Riley called as Maya disappeared out the door. She reached over for a handful of popcorn, but as she did, her eye caught on a small square packet on Maya’s side of the bed. When she picked it up and looked closer, she could read the words Durex Condom. 

Maya entered again a minute later, bounding to the TV to start the movie, and Riley shoved the condom into her own pocket. 

 

Maya met Lucas outside the building where the lessons were held on the next Monday. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, looking thoroughly unhappy with the position he was in. When she reached him, she punched his arm lightly and he startled. 

“Ready, Huckleberry?”

“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” He pushed off the wall and the two start to walk inside.

“Nope. Now, just so you know, we’re not doing the two-step. It’s all waltzing,” she teased.

“Thanks for the warning.” 

The second they started, he already stepped on her toes at least four times, and she was no better at the activity. 

“Why don’t we try keeping our feet to ourselves, huh, Friar?”

“Maybe if you’d let me lead, Hart, we’d have some sort of rhythm.”

“Like you even know what rhythm is.”

The instructor’s voice cut through their bickering, reminding them to be ribcage-to-ribcage, and she pushed them closer together. The second she turned her back, Lucas and Maya stepped away from each other. 

“Does this have to be the deal?” Lucas said, sighing.

“Yes. One dance class for every art session.”

“Ribcage to ribcage!” the instructor shouted, rushing back over to them.

***

Maya and Lucas walked across the lawn as they left school on Thursday, the crisp November breeze pinching their cheeks. Lucas tugged his scarf tighter around his neck and Maya burrowed her face in the collar of her jacket. 

“So, we’re in agreement, right, that we don’t tell anybody about this arrangement?” Lucas said. 

“Oh, definitely,” Maya nodded.

“Good, because I’d rather people not know that I’m taking waltz lessons.”

“Doesn’t quite go with your macho-man persona, does it?”

“Shut up. It doesn’t really fit with your tough exterior, either, you know.”

“Who said anything about an exterior?”

Lucas rolled his eyes. 

“Either way,” Maya said, “I’m not a fan of people knowing I’d actually help someone with their schoolwork.”

“So nobody finds out.”

“Right, nobody finds out.”

“Nobody finds out what?” a voice said behind them. When they turned around in alarm, Riley was standing shivering behind them, with a curious and confused look on her face. 

“Oh, uh, well…” Lucas faltered as he struggled to come up with an explanation, and he turned to Maya for help.

“Oh, just that Lucas here struggles severely with painting, and since he’s fixing up our house, he’s having trouble with that one part. Think you can help take over?” 

Riley shrugged. “I guess.”

“Great! All settled. So, Lucas…?” Maya motioned for them to keep walking.

Lucas nodded in response and they started to walk away.

“Wait, Maya, can I talk to you for a second?” Riley asked before they could leave. She was shifting her weight from foot to foot, her hands clearly fidgeting inside her pockets. 

“Sorry, honey, I really gotta get to work. Catch you later, though?” Without waiting for an answer, she hurried across the lawn with Lucas, leaving Riley standing awkwardly in the middle of the fallen leaves. 

***

Lucas huffed in frustration as he struggled to shade in his self-portrait correctly. He was gripping the pencil fiercely, constantly turning to Maya for help as she lay flat on his bed, inspecting her nail beds in boredom. 

“Why doesn’t it look like there are shadows?” He said, dropping the pencil on his desk. 

Maya turned her head to look at him, and she felt a little bit of pity as she saw his pout. She sighed and rolled off the bed to walk over to him. When she picked up his portrait, she couldn’t help but snort with laughter.

“You look like a potato.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Come on, your shading’s all wrong because you’re trying to put shadows where there are none, and you’re not actually using different shades. It’s just blocks of dark gray.” She picked up the pencil and outlined a section of his sketch. “Here, under the jaw. If you actually, I don’t know, looked at the picture, you’d see that’s where it’s supposed to be darker. You try.” She grabbed his hands and forcibly placed his fingers around the pencil, before turning back and collapsing on his bed again. 

“Hey, it’s kind of working!” Lucas said, giddy. 

Maya picked some lint off of her sweater. She couldn’t quite get her mind off of her and Zay’s many tries to hook up. They’d tried again once or twice, but nothing seemed to work, and they’d decided to take some time apart. She thought it could be a perfect situation, if only she didn’t feel so bored from it all. She interrupted Lucas’s quiet and, well, cute, humming to himself. 

“Can I ask you something, Huckleberry?”

“Sure, as long as it’s not about more ballroom dancing.”

She laughed. “No, it’s more of a hypothetical situation. Let’s say that someone makes a deal with you. Basically, you two have sex, no emotions, no waiting for phone calls, or awkward dates, or miscommunications. No strings attached. Would you do it?”

Lucas stopped shading. “Would I have a completely unfulfilling and empty relationship with someone just for sex? No.”

“God, you are such a huckleberry.” Maya sat upright on the bed. “Come on, there’s no pressure! No terrible butterflies or self-loathing. Just physical pleasure. What’s wrong with that?” 

“I just don’t see the point,” Lucas shrugged. 

Maya’s shoulders dropped, her hands going back to picking lint. 

“You know, Maya,” Lucas said. “I think if you really wanted to be having sex without any emotions right now, you’d be doing it, instead of sitting here with me helping me do my art project.” 

***

Zay and Riley went to a café to work on their own history project, which was something to do with Roman concrete. They had been there for a few hours, and Zay stopped concentrating after awhile, leaving Riley to try make him focus as she attempted to work. She was trying to write a sentence on her paper but Zay kept drumming his hands on the table to a The Cars song, so she lifted her head to berate him. But when she looked up, she caught sight of Maya through the window, walking down the sidewalk on the other side of the street. Next to her was a tall, blond, familiar boy. The two were laughing with each other, Maya playfully shoving Lucas in the side. He tugged a long lock of her hair and she swatted his hand away. Riley felt her stomach drop at the sight. 

“What?” Zay had noticed her staring, and followed her gaze out the window. “Maya and Lucas? She told me she was working.”

“That’s what she told me, too,” Riley said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and resolutely staring at the table.

“Whadd’ya say we ditch this project and go see what they’re doin’?” Zay didn’t wait for an answer, closing his book and standing up from the table. He reached a hand out for Riley to take. 

She sighed, grabbed his hand, and they walked out the door. 

The two were thoroughly confused by the time they had reached the studio, and when they walked inside the actual room, well – they really didn’t know what to think. In the middle of the floor, surrounded by elderly couples, were Maya and Lucas, dancing a little off-beat and joking with each other. A thousand ridiculous explanations ran through Riley’s head as she watched them, but the only constant thought was that they almost looked kind of good together.

“I guess they’ve just acquired a newfound love for ballroom dancing?” Zay said, a little unsure. 

Riley had had enough. “Let’s get out of here.” She grabbed Zay’s arm and started to turn, but the dance instructor had caught sight of them at just that moment, and she had mentioned to wrap her arms around each of their shoulders and steer them to the dance floor. 

“Two new young additions! How wonderful!”

When she said this, Maya and Lucas immediately looked to see Riley and Zay standing awkwardly under the instructor’s arms, Zay looking kind of amused, and Riley wincing.

“Okay, start dancing!”

Riley and Zay started moving to the music beside Maya and Lucas. 

“So, when did you two take up ballroom dancing?” Zay said, raising his eyebrows in suspicion. 

“Clearly only just before you two did,” Maya said. 

The instructor interrupted them once again to comment on Zay and Riley’s dancing technique. “You two are naturals! You work together perfectly.” 

Zay cocked his head, giving a smug look to the instructor. “Well, I am a ballet dancer.”

The instructor laughed. “It’s really about the partner. You two are good friends, right?”

“Yeah, we are,” Riley said. “How’d you know?” 

“Well, other than the fact that you came in together, it’s all in the dancing. There’s a trust there that’s only found in two close friends.” The instructor turned to Maya and Lucas, gesturing to them. “But these two are a completely different story.”

Maya and Lucas looked slightly affronted, and Riley frowned, asking, “How so?”

“Just look at them! They have no balance or rhythm. They’re completely tense. Ribcages!” She motioned for them to move closer. 

Lucas sighed, and Maya just shook her head. “No, thanks.”

The instructor rolled her eyes and addressed Riley and Zay again. “Between the wariness and tension apparent in their dancing, plus the bickering, of course, these two are clearly attracted to each other.”

Maya scoffed. “What? Oh, God, no!”

Lucas chimed in, “Yeah, that’s not at all what this is.” He motioned between him and Maya.

“Really? Because I can see it in the dancing.”

Riley’s eyebrows furrowed. “You really think that just because they can’t dance…?”

“Well, it’s based on my theory I’ve been formulating for years and years,” the instructor responded. “I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s a pattern I’ve noticed.” She turned her back on the teenagers and walked to the front of the class. All four were still in shock from her comments. 

The instructor clapped. “All right, we’re going to be switching partners! When I say ‘switch’, grab the person nearest to you and dance with them instead. Let’s begin. Switch!” 

At the instruction, Riley grabbed Maya’s arm and pulled her in to dance, leaving Zay and Lucas to be partners. 

“So, why are you here right now?” Riley asked.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Maya said, desperately trying to reassure her. 

Riley ignored her. “Last Friday, you dropped a condom on my bed.” 

“What?” 

“Switch!” The instructor’s voice called from the front.

Maya cut in between Lucas and Zay, pulling the latter away. “She’s caught us.”

“Who? Riley?” Zay said.

“Yes, Riley. She found our condom last week.”

“Damn,” Zay said. “But, I don’t think she’s caught us.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean that I’m not a part of the equation Riley’s created for this situation. In fact, she has an entirely different boy in mind for your partner.” 

“What? Who?” 

Zay raised his eyebrows, imploring Maya to understand what he meant. 

Suddenly, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “Lucas? She thinks I’m having sex with Lucas? Oh, God.” 

Zay responded with an exaggerated nod. 

Only a few feet away were Riley and Lucas. As Riley stared up at him, she couldn’t help but think that they danced well together. But, she reminded herself, that apparently meant there was trust, but no feelings. 

“Can you please explain to me how you ended up ballroom dancing with Maya?” She asked. She almost didn’t want to hear the answer.

“There’s a scholarship offered here, and she asked me to help her.” Lucas answered, calm and matter-of-fact, like he knew he should handle this interaction very carefully.

“Why would she ask you, though?” Riley almost felt vulnerable as she questioned him. She shouldn’t care anymore. They broke up. “Why not ask Farkle or Zay?” 

“I needed help with my art project. It was a trade off. Friends help each other, right?”

“And you’re just friends?”

“Yes,” Lucas said the word slowly. He couldn’t quite understand the conversation they were having. “Just friends.”

Riley opened her mouth to answer, but the instructor yelled, “Switch!”

Maya grasped Lucas’s wrist and tugged him to the side. “We have a problem.”

“What’s that?” Lucas placed a hand on her waist and moved to hold her hand wrapped tightly around his wrist.

“Well, uh…” Maya faltered. “Riley is under the impression that you and I, are, well, doing it.”

Lucas looked dumbfounded. “Doing it?”

“Yes, dumbass, doing it. Having sex. Fornication. Ringing any bells?”

Lucas rolled his eyes at her antics. “Yeah, but that’s crazy. Why the hell would Riley think that you and I are having sex?” It certainly put his previous conversation with her in a new light, though, he thought.

“Well, normally she wouldn’t, but these are extenuating circumstances.” Maya really wanted to prolong telling Lucas about this as much as possible.

“What kind of extenuating circumstances?”

“Switch!” 

Riley cut in to pull Maya back. “Can you please explain to me what’s going on?”

“You are completely wrong about this whole situation, okay, Riley?” Maya needed to clear this up. She couldn’t have Riley thinking she actually had any feelings whatsoever for Lucas Friar, the Huckleberry. 

“It seems pretty clear to me, Maya.” 

“Oh, God,” Maya groaned. “Look, Lucas and I have only been spending a lot of time together because I’m helping him with his art and he’s helping me with this dance scholarship thing. Plus, if I recall correctly, it was you who wanted me to keep a watch on him while you found yourself. We’re not doing it. We’re not doing anything.” Maya let out a deep breath as she finished her explanation.

“What about the condom?” 

“Hey, I can have sex, can’t I?” Maya countered. Riley looked down. “The thing is, you just made it up in your mind that of all the people I could be having sex with, Lucas was the one you decided was most likely. Now, why would that be?” 

Her sarcasm was not lost on Riley. “It’s not like that.”

“It isn’t?” Maya huffed. “Come on, Riles. I know it’s hard to let go, but you decided to end it. You didn’t just expect him not to move on, right?” 

“No, but – ”

“– Because one of these days some girl is going to want to date him. And it’s not going to be me. It’s not going to be your friend who would ask permission. You need to be prepared for that, honey.”

Riley avoided eye contact, mumbling, “I’ll figure it out.” Her voice grew stronger. “But none of that explains why you had a condom in your pocket the other night.” 

Maya dropped her hands from Riley’s. “What does it matter?” 

Before Riley could answer, she turned away and stalked off to the coatroom. 

***

Zay followed her inside only moments after. He rested a comforting hand on her shoulder, but she wasn’t angry, and she shook it off. 

“I’m fine, Zay,” she said, turning around to face him. 

His face wasn’t pitying or sad, just knowing. She noticed he was quite close to her, his head tilted down almost to eye-level, and there was a new electricity there that she hadn’t felt with him in weeks. She pushed herself up on her toes, resting her hands on his shoulders, and kissed him. The heat seemed to fizzle almost as soon as their lips touched, but she tried to ignore it in an attempt to prolong their intimacy. Only a few seconds had passed before the door opened, and when they broke apart, they stood in front of Riley and Lucas, both of whom looked thoroughly startled.

After a still and silent few seconds, Riley actually laughed. “What’s happening here?”

“Nothing,” Maya replied quickly. 

“Yeah,” Zay nodded. “It’s really nothing.”

“Really?” Riley asked. “That’s not what it looks like.”

“Trust me,” Maya said, authoritative. “It’s definitely nothing. We’ve tried.” 

“Yeah, we’re just friends,” Zay added.

“Just friends?” Lucas said. It was the first time he had spoken since he interrupted them. “You guys are just going to get hurt if you do this.”

“Don’t worry, man,” Zay said. “We agreed there would be no emotions. That’s the arrangement.”

Lucas seemed to have a moment of recognition. “Oh, right. No emotions. Of course, Maya.”

Maya looked away from his gaze. 

He continued, staring at her. “This isn’t you.”

She furrowed her eyebrows at his comment. “I can do this if I want.”

Lucas huffed in frustration and put his hands up in surrender. “You know what, you’re right. Have fun, I guess.” Shaking his head, he left the room. 

Riley threw a strange look at Maya and Zay before following him out. 

Zay turned to Maya when they’d both left. “Can’t imagine why he’d get so upset over a kiss. Unless…” He trailed off.

“Unless what?”

“Unless he knew it was more than just a kiss.” 

Maya knew Zay had a suspicion as to exactly why Lucas was upset. She sighed. “I may have asked for some advice about our situation.” At Zay’s raised eyebrows, she hurriedly said, “I didn’t mention you, specifically, though. It was more of a hypothetical question.”

“Ah,” Zay nodded. “And Lucas put two and two together when he saw us.”

“I guess so.” 

“Still, it doesn’t seem like much to get worked up over.” 

“Well, Lucas isn’t really the no-strings-attached kind of guy,” Maya explained.

“Sure, but he is a live-and-let-live kind of guy. Just apparently not with people he cares a lot about.” Zay leaned against the wall. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Maya was really not in the mood for psychology at the moment. 

“Nothing, nothing,” Zay said, brushing her question off. “So, what is it about him, exactly?”

“Huh?”

“Well, it’s just that Lucas’s goodness is almost like a magnet to some girls. Riley…you…” Zay sighed dramatically. “He must be easy to confide in.” 

Maya narrowed her eyes. “Who else should I talk to? Farkle? Shawn? My mom? About sex? I mean, come on, Zay.” 

“Riley?” Zay piped up. “She’s your best friend, remember? You tell Riley everything.”

Maya fidgeted with her t-shirt. “Yeah, I do.”

“So, why couldn’t you talk to her about this? Unless you felt uncomfortable telling her about your sex and love life, seeing as…”

“Seeing as…what?” 

“Seeing as your new love interest is her old one.” 

“What? Who?”

Zay made a motion with his head as if to say, Who do you think?

“Lucas?” Maya laughed. “Oh, jeez, what is with people today? For the last time, there is nothing going on between me and Lucas!” She couldn’t believe the things people assumed about them. The very notion was absolutely ridiculous. There was obviously no way she would ever have feelings for him. 

“No, there’s nothing going on between you and me. But one day you’re going to open your eyes and see what’s literally right in front of you. And I’ll be there to tell you I told you so.” Zay tapped her on the nose and left the room. 

***

Lucas had found himself standing on the pier, leaning over the railing and staring into the dark water. The moon cast a deep, shimmering glow on the rippling water, like a little lighthouse. Riley joined him only moments after he arrived there, but she didn’t say anything for a while, instead just standing beside him. After many silent minutes passed, she decided to speak up.

“What Maya and Zay do on their own time is their business. I don’t really get why you’re angry…” She trailed off to let him explain. 

He kept his gaze on the water, only his profile visible to her. “I’m not angry.”

Riley scoffed. “You certainly seem like you’re angry.” 

Lucas looked away in annoyance before pushing himself off the railing and turning towards Riley, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t get why they’d want this kind of relationship. It’s pretty unhealthy.”

Riley raised her eyebrows. “You don’t get it?”

“What, you do?” Lucas couldn’t believe Riley would disagree with him about this. “You’d want a relationship like that? Sex with no feelings?”

“No, but I understand why someone would.”

“How? You’re the biggest romantic in the world. How would you understand people using each other for sex?”

“Well, maybe it’s not about sex. Maybe it’s about comfort…Maybe they’re just lonely.”

Lucas was silent for a bit. Suddenly he felt very ashamed for getting angry at Maya and Zay. Maya had always been one for comfort, had always been colored in shades of loneliness. He knew that well enough. 

Riley spoke again. “It’s natural to want that, Lucas.”

He nodded. “I’m gonna go grab my coat. I left it in the studio.” He placed a hand on Riley’s shoulder in a farewell, and she smiled up at him, all sweet and modest. As he walked away from her, he didn’t think much of it, but she was still watching him, still feeling his warm touch on her skin. 

***

Lucas got his coat and was all set on leaving, until he saw Maya sitting alone at one of the tables in the corner of the room. She was tracing circles on the plastic tablecloths. He walked over and sat down across from her. 

“Where’d Zay go?” 

She looked up quickly when he said it, and a little smile peeked through her initially shocked face. 

“He left.” She leaned back in her chair and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He noticed she did that a lot when she was nervous. “We never even had sex, by the way.”

“That’s none of my business,” he said hastily. “I overreacted.”

Maya grinned at his guilty face. She was suddenly hyperaware of their knees touching. “You really did.”

“There’s no reason for me to care what you do on your own time.”

“I know there isn’t.” She looked at him for a prolonged second after she said it, and he thought maybe he saw a flash of disappointment on her face, but it was gone before he could even register it. She smiled at him instead, just as Riley had earlier, but it was a different kind of sweet, he noticed. It was kind in the boldest way, cool and captivating, one that reminded him of campfires during Texas summers. She had a freshness about her that he liked. He hoped that in this moment, with him, she felt a little less lonely.

“You wanna leave?” Maya said suddenly, and she was already out of her chair. “I think I’m over this whole waltzing thing.”

“What about the scholarship?”

“Oh, about that, the program is short on money so they’re not even offering the scholarship this year. So, you wasted a whole two weeks on ballroom dancing for nothing!” 

“Well, it was fun while it lasted.”

“Speak for yourself.” Maya held out her hand for Lucas to take. “Come on, Huckleberry, let’s go.” 

He folded his hand around hers and Maya immediately pulled him out the door in a hurry. 

***

Maya and her mom’s bed and breakfast, which they had been planning for ages, finally opened in December, after months of hard labor. Lucas came over every week to help fix up the furnace, the plumbing, and any other technical difficulties. Shawn prepared recipes to cook and Katy furnished the rooms and handled the finances. Riley made everyone else offer positive attitudes. The inn was up and running, but there was one problem: they had no guests. After three nights, Maya was beside herself, pacing the room in a frenzy as her friends lay sprawled out on the couch or floor listening to her. All of them did their best to calm her down, and yet she continued to walk around the room dizzying herself.

The next day, Lucas came over to do homework after school like he often did. They sat at the kitchen counter and he poured her a cup of coffee while she pretended to do math. He slid the cup over to her eager hands. 

“I’m guessing you still don’t have any guests?” He asked, sitting down on the stool next to her. 

“What makes you say that?” She said, saccharine and sarcastic. 

“I’m sure people will come,” he responded. 

“Your optimism does not reassure me, Huckleberry,” she said, abandoning her homework. “My mom and I put everything into this inn. Literally everything, monetarily. If we don’t have guests, we’ve wasted everything. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think this would actually work.” Maya ran her hands through her hair in frustration.

“Hey, what happened to hope?” Lucas said, and Maya narrowed her eyes at him. “Okay, what if I told you that I could guarantee a guest that could turn this whole situation around?” 

“I’d say ‘good luck.’” 

“There’s this guy named Fred Enger. He reviews B&Bs, and I called him and convinced him to stay here this weekend.” Lucas looked very pleased with himself as he delivered this news, evidently expecting the utmost gratitude and admiration from Maya upon hearing it. Instead, he got more narrowed eyes, which he knew was not a good sign. 

“Okay, Lucas, let me get this straight,” she started. 

He winced at the use of his real name, which either meant she was very upset or very pleased. He assumed it was the first option. 

“You called a B&B reviewer to come to our very new inn that has an unfinished room, shoddy plumbing, and no guests to review it and publish that review? What were you thinking?”

Lucas scrambled for words to mollify her. “I can work on the plumbing and he doesn’t even have to stay in the unfinished room!”

“What about when he comes to stay and there are no guests! What is that going to look like?”

“We have like six people who could come and stay, Maya. We can get Riley, Farkle, Smackle, and Zay. Plus, Cory and Topanga! They would all be willing to do this for you. I’m willing to do this for you. We have four days until he comes, and we can use those to prepare. What do you say?” Lucas added a small smile to try and convince her. 

Maya took a deep breath. “Fine. But if this is a disaster, I will not hesitate to kill you.” 

“Duly noted.” 

***

It was a disaster. Fred Enger showed up on what happened to be one of the coldest days of the year. The furnace broke down, leaving the entire house feeling like a tundra. He was unimpressed by the communal bathroom, which incidentally, overflowed, and he went to bed early. It seemed as if their downfall was inevitable, and Maya was definitely convinced of that idea. But after Mr. Enger went upstairs, Lucas cut wood and started a fire in the fireplace in an effort to heat up the house, and everyone had gathered around with blankets and hot cocoa, and they seemed to finally become warm despite the weather. 

Most of the time, Cory, Topanga, and Shawn relayed stories from their old days at school. It was calming, sitting curled up on the couch between Smackle and Riley, a thick, wool blanket spread over the three of them, and Maya almost felt a little bit better as she listened to Topanga talk about the time Cory came to Disneyland for her. 

Eventually, there was a lull in the conversation, and Riley broke the silence with a quiet voice. “It smells so nice in here.”

“It’s the hickory wood,” said Topanga. “My mom used to tell me how hickory was her favorite wood, because it reminded her of when she and my father first got married. Every night, she’d build a fire for them, and they’d read together. And he’d fall asleep reading, and she’d just watch him. She used to tell me that you know you love someone when you can spend the night just watching them sleep. Sometimes I still do that with Cory. Love is peaceful like that: you don’t need much to keep you content. It doesn’t take fireworks to realize it. Just being with them in any way is enough for you.” 

In response, Cory took her hand and the two smiled at each other. Then Cory sighed, checking his watch. “It’s getting late, you kids should get to bed, and so should we.” He and Topanga stood up and everyone else slowly peeled their blankets off their bodies and stood up to stretch. 

Maya rubbed a hand over her face and spoke up. “Look, everyone, speaking of going to bed, I think you should just sleep in your own beds tonight. You’ve been really great fake guests, but you can all stop pretending now. Thanks for everything you done for me this weekend, anyway, though.” With that, she walked up the stairs to her room. 

***

Unexpectedly, the thick, distinct smell of bacon and eggs filled Maya’s room in the morning, and immediately woke her up. When she went downstairs, she saw everyone making breakfast and laughing in the kitchen. She stood frozen in the doorway, watching, and as Lucas turned away from the stove to reach the fridge he made eye contact with her and immediately grinned. 

Riley saw her a moment later and shouted, “The guest of honor is here!”

Maya shuffled over, only slightly angry at being woken up early, and stole a piece of bacon from the plate.

Lucas grabbed the plate from her right after, shooting her a disapproving look, and handed it to Shawn. He turned back to her with a smile, and asked, “Coffee?”

She grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.” 

It was like a damn movie, she thought, the way they sat around the table passing pancakes and toast to each other, and Mr. Enger was even there, actually looking content. He nodded to her, and she managed a smile back. She didn’t expect a glowing review, but she didn’t think it would be as bad as she had previously expected. 

“So, why didn’t you guys leave like I told you to?” She asked after swallowing a mouthful of eggs. 

“Come on, Peaches, you didn’t think we’d actually go, right?” Riley said. 

“Well,” Maya amended. “I knew you wouldn’t leave.”

“None of us would have,” Farkle piped up. “You’re stuck with us.”

“Not to mention that it’s also my bed and breakfast, not just yours, baby girl,” her mom said from the other end of the table. 

“Yes, not everything is about you, Maya,” Smackle said firmly. 

“Well, thanks, guys,” Maya said. “It means a lot.”

“Anytime,” Lucas responded. 

He smiled at her and poured her more coffee, while Riley took hold of her hand to her left side. Maya knew she wouldn’t give this up for the world. 

***

At about six that night, a Saturday, after everyone had left to go home hours ago, Lucas and Maya lay on the couch watching Friends by the fire. Lucas had spent the whole day trying to fix the furnace with no luck, so he eventually gave up and cut more wood for the fireplace instead. The two were arguing over who was the most annoying character on the sitcom when the phone rang from the kitchen. 

“I’ll get it,” Maya said, already pulling the blanket off her legs and standing up. She walked in the kitchen to pick up the phone. The caller was the man she’d contacted earlier about fixing the furnace, and they talked for almost ten minutes as she argued prices and logistics with him. After finally coming to an agreement, she hung up the phone and huffed in frustration. 

“Okay, Huckleberry, the furnace guy is coming on Monday, so you’re off the hook,” she said, walking back into the living room. As she entered, though, she could see Lucas was completely knocked out on the couch. The blanket had slipped down his body, and his head was leaned back against the arm of the sofa, his mouth slightly open. She wished she had her camera on her to take a picture so she could lord it over him. Maya pulled the blanket up to cover his shoulders, letting her hand linger on his chest. He breathed in deep as she did so, and she pulled away in surprise. 

Maya poked at the fire to keep it strong, then grabbed another blanket and sat in the chair across from the sofa. 

Lucas’s chest rose up and down with his breath, and he would let out a little snore periodically, which made Maya laugh to herself. It was peaceful, she thought, the heat radiating from the flames, and the way Lucas half-smiled in his sleep. Friends was still playing on the television with a dull glow, completely muted, but Maya felt perfectly content to sit silently and not disturb the boy across from her.

***

Riley managed to convince the theater director to let her co-direct the school play, and she some how corralled Lucas into starring in it. She tried to make all of her friends do it, but Farkle was still banned from the school theater, Smackle completely refused, Maya laughed and kindly explained that she wouldn’t get caught dead in the school play, and Zay actually agreed to be a dancer. Lucas, in fact, only agreed to be a side character, but the main character was coincidentally a cowboy, and the theater teacher thought it was so neat when Riley told her Lucas was originally born in Texas that she just had to cast him as the lead. He was actually not that bad of an actor, a little awkward maybe, but overall okay enough for a high school play. 

He made Maya run his lines for him every night obsessively because he was scared he’d forget them and mess up. She, of course, mocked him incessantly. It was two days before the opening night and she was sitting on the couch while he paced across the living room, reciting dialogue about cacti or horses or something. She’s not really listening. 

“Maya? Hello?” 

Maya glanced up from the script in her hand to see Lucas staring at her expectantly, and she cleared her throat. “Sorry, what?”

“I said, you’re coming on Friday, right?” 

“Oh, uh, about that, I was actually planning on going Saturday.” 

“Saturday?” Lucas sat down next to her on the couch. “No, come on, you have to come on Friday. It’s opening night!”

“Well, Huckleberry, I’ve got plans. But I’ll still be watching you perform.”

“Got a hot date or something?”

Maya shifted uncomfortably. She did, in fact, have a date. With Josh Matthews, Riley’s uncle, who was a sophomore at Tufts. She’d always had a crush on him, ever since she was little, but she’d practically forgotten about it until he’d visited the Matthews over winter break, and she almost felt like melting whenever she looked at him. Josh had been so kind to her, and he’d asked her out for the Friday that, incidentally, was also Lucas’s play’s opening night. Maya had almost said no, but Josh looked very nice that night, and she’d snuck some whiskey in her eggnog, and right after he’d asked her, she could see Lucas and Riley laughing with each other over his shoulder. She knew her growing feelings had doomed her from the start. What better way to forget about it than go out with Uncle Boing? So, she’d said yes, a closed smile on her lips as she looked up at Josh, and she truly almost meant it when she added that she’d ‘love to.’ The biggest problem was that it conflicted with Lucas’s play. She hadn’t thought it would be a big deal, but she knew it was going to hurt Lucas when she told him. Maya coughed, wringing her hands in her lap.

“Actually, I kind of do.” At Lucas’s confused and slightly hurt face, Maya hurried to clarify. “It’s just this date with Josh – Josh Matthews, actually. He can only do Friday because of his college stuff. But I will definitely be there to see you on Saturday. I’m sorry, Lucas.” 

Lucas nodded, shifting his body so he didn’t face Maya anymore. It wasn’t really that much of a surprise, he considered. He knew that Maya and Josh had reconnected over the holidays, but he didn’t think they’d actually go out. In recent years, Lucas had thought that Josh was the kind of guy who would compliment Maya, knowing her feelings for him, but never actually follow through. But, when he really thought about it, it made sense that Josh would actually ask Maya out. Maya was pretty – really, really pretty, actually – and she was funny and smart and cool, in the way that often left him breathless, so why wouldn’t Josh ask her out? It made sense. 

“Don’t worry about it. Have fun on your date. Just make sure you come on Saturday.”

Maya grinned, relieved at Lucas’s final reaction. “Of course. I’d never miss a chance to see you in cowboy boots.” But at Lucas’s half-hearted chuckle, Maya’s smile faltered, and she thought maybe he wasn’t fine with her news. But it was only because they were friends, and he wanted her to support him, not for any other reason at all. She shook the mere idea out of her head, and asked Lucas if he wanted to keep running lines. It was nothing. It meant nothing. 

***

Maya’s date with Josh was nice. He took her to dinner, to a pizza restaurant she already went to almost every week, and afterward they sat on a bench on the pier even though it was cold and rainy. But Josh tucked her hair behind her ear and flashed a smile at her as they spoke, and she mostly heard about his classes and his roommate he hated, but she liked the way his voice sounded – a little bit rusty, but warm and older. It was nice, she thought.

“You know, Maya, I’m really glad I asked you out,” Josh said, changing the topic from sailing.

“Oh, you are?” She quirked an eyebrow, and she hoped she sounded cooler than she felt. 

“Yeah, I am,” he nodded. “Even though you’re younger than me, you are a great person. You’re such a good friend to Riley. I don’t know, maybe it’s because your dad left and you never felt that love, but you have the greatest capacity for love that I’ve ever seen. And it seems so unfair for me to not be with you just because you’re younger than me.”

Maya felt her heart speed up as Josh finished his mini speech, and she wrung her hands together in her lap, but forced herself to keep looking at him. Josh was a real life fantasy: a dark-haired older boy in a leather jacket who waxed poetic about how great she was. She felt like Riley, blushing under the soft moonlight, swept away in a current of imagining impossible futures with this boy. 

Maya was vaguely aware that Josh was leaning forward, inches away from her face, and she had barely registered that her eyes were closed, waiting, when his lips pressed against hers. She moved toward him, and she felt his hand cup her cheek, the other wrap around her waist. The kiss was heated, passionate – not like a first kiss on a first date would be – but it felt right for her relationship to Josh. Josh was all-consuming. When she was with him, she forgot about everything else, like Missy or Lucas. 

Lucas. 

Maya pulled back, and opened her eyes, watching Josh blink his own open in surprise. 

“I have to go,” Maya said, already standing up from the bench. 

“W-what?” Josh followed her lead. 

“This was great, it really was. It’s just that…” Maya sighed, stuffing her hands into her pockets. “I have to go see a friend. I’ll call you.” She almost wanted to lean in and peck him on the lips, but she felt that would be too awkward and immature, so instead she opted to merely walk away, leaving him on the pier. 

***

The play was already halfway done by the time Maya got to the school, and she didn’t want to interrupt Lucas’s performance, so she just stood in the doorway at the back of the auditorium. Lucas was animated as he spoke, gesticulating along with the lines he had practiced with her a million times. She thought he looked pretty good up there, although she’d never admit it to him. 

Just as Maya was remarking on this observation in her head, Lucas glanced over at her direction, making eye contact with her. For a split second, he froze, his lips moving towards a grin, and she shrugged as if to convey her entire reason for being there at that moment. But Lucas seemed to realize that he was actually in a play right now, and could not stare at one person in the audience for an extended period of time, so he winked at her before continuing his scene – something about cattle. 

After the play, Riley nearly attacked Maya in an excited hug, squealing into her sweater.

“Peaches! You came!” Riley pulled back, beaming at Maya, her arm’s still half around her.

“Of course I came, honey,” Maya assured her. As she said this, Lucas appeared behind Riley’s shoulder, his face flushed from adrenaline and a grin displayed across his cheeks. She thought, maybe, it was for her. “Hey, Huckleberry. Nice costume up there.” 

“Thanks, Hart. I thought you’d like it.” 

“Oh, there are my parents!” Riley said. “I’m going to go say hi. Thanks so much for coming, Peaches. We would really have missed you.” She squeezed Maya’s arm and smiled at Lucas before walking away to hug her parents, leaving Maya and Lucas alone together. 

“So, what happened with your college guy?” Lucas said.

“College guy’s name is Josh. And it was fine. I just realized that, well, I needed to be here.” Maya shifted her weight between her feet, and added: “I couldn’t miss this.” 

“Even for Josh?” Lucas raised his eyebrows. 

Maya could have sworn she recognized a hint of jealousy in his expression, but it disappeared before she could look into it too much. “Even for Josh.”

“Well, I’m glad you came.” 

“Me too.” Maya felt as if the tension between them was palpable, like there was so much unsaid. And there was, at least, on her part. But she must have been imagining things from his end. She decided to crack a joke to ease the tension, because this was a little too close to reality for her. “To think I would have had to wait another twenty four hours before seeing you in those pants.” She sighed dramatically, and felt her stomach flip as Lucas laughed. 

He started walking towards the door, and she followed, falling into step beside him. After a few seconds, he said, “So, are you going to go out with him again?”

“With who?” She knew whom he meant. 

“You know who. College guy. Josh. Are you going to go out with him again?” They had reached the coat rack in the hallway, and he handed her jacket to her before searching for his own. 

“I don’t know, maybe.” At Lucas’s inquisitive look, she elaborated. “I like him. I mean, he’s Josh Matthews. I’ve always liked him.” 

Lucas frowned. 

Maya continued, ignoring his reaction.. “But, part of me is just going out with him because…”

Lucas interrupted. “Because you’re trying to get over a certain someone?”

“A certain someone?” Maya’s every nerve seemed to speed into overdrive at his words, and she felt her cheeks flush as he glanced at her. “What do you mean?”

“A certain someone named Missy Bradford.” He pulled his coat on. “Ring a bell?”

“Oh,” Maya’s shoulders sagged with relief. “Yeah, Missy. How am I supposed to go out with Josh when I can’t forget, uh…” Maya cleared her throat. “…Missy.” 

Lucas was silent for a minute, before: “Look, I think you should keep going out with him.” 

“What?” This was not the advice she was expecting from Lucas, and she was almost disappointed. 

“Yeah, I mean…I don’t love Josh, but you can’t just close yourself off to people who you could really connect with just because you’re still thinking about someone else. Sometimes people surprise you, and maybe you’ll find that one day you don’t even think about Missy anymore.”

That was true, Maya knew it. She didn’t think about Missy anymore, incidentally. She no longer felt an ache when she caught sight of her long brown hair or her saccharine smile that was always genuine with her. Maya didn’t love Missy anymore, and she didn’t even miss her. No, she had those feelings for someone else. 

“God, you are so sappy,” Maya said. 

Lucas rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. 

“But, thanks,” Maya continued. “I might actually take your advice.”

“That’d be a first,” Lucas joked. He pointed to the door. “Want me to walk you home?”

“How wholesome of you. I’ll be fine, Huckleberry.” 

“Whatever you say.” Lucas rested his hand on Maya’s arm in a goodbye, lingering for a second, before giving her a fleeting smile and walking out into the cold. Maya watched his disappearing figure, tall and muscular, her head still spinning from his touch. 

No, Maya did not love Missy anymore. That was for sure. 

***

Maya ended up taking Lucas’s advice, and went out with Josh again multiple times. He was, she guessed, her quasi-boyfriend at this point. And, to Maya’s credit, she rarely thought about Lucas so constantly anymore. He was always in the back of her mind, of course, and yet he was only at the forefront when she was talking to him. But, she amended, that was mostly because she forced herself to think this way, and she’d gotten quite good at rewiring her thoughts of Lucas to Josh’s image, despite their being so vastly different. Maya’s favorite method for forgetting Lucas, though, was alcohol. It did wonders for her mood, allowing her to lie happily in thoughts of nothing at all, and barely remember she had feelings for her best friend’s ex-boyfriend. But, it was fairly pathetic to drink her sorrows away alone, even though she’d done it many times before, so once she heard of a party that weekend to be held by Darby, she immediately tried to convince her friends to come with her. 

They were all in the middle of the cafeteria at school, and Maya was arguing with Lucas about the necessity of her learning to drive stick.

“It’s useless. Pointless. Automatic is much easier,” she said, popping a fry into her mouth.

“It is not useless,” Lucas huffed. “If you learned to drive stick as well as automatic, you have so many more possibilities.”

“Who cares? Why can’t I just sail or ride a bike or something?”

“Yes, two of man’s main forms of transportation.”

Maya rolled her eyes. “It’s Capeside. Those are the only forms of transportation you need for this place.” 

“So,” Riley cut in before Lucas could respond. She had a grin plastered to her face, anxious about the argument even though Lucas and Maya knew it was miles away from being anything but playful. “What’s everyone doing for Valentine’s Day?”

Most of the group shrugged, as no one was actually in a committed relationship. Maya thought this was the opportune time to bring up the party.

“Actually, I heard Darby is having a party. Why don’t we all go to that?”

“What about Josh? Don’t you have a date with him or something?” Farkle asked.

“No,” Maya answered, and she saw Lucas stare resolutely at his plate of pasta in the corner of her eye. “He has too much work.” 

Farkle nodded in response.

“That sounds like fun!” Riley said, bringing the conversation back to Darby’s party. “Let’s all go to that!”

Lucas raised his eyebrows. “Darby’s? Her parties can be really crazy.”

Maya groaned. “Don’t get all Huckleberry on me, Friar. We can handle ourselves.”

Lucas ignored her, instead turning to Riley. “There’s going to be alcohol and stuff, Riley. I mean, it doesn’t really seem like your scene.”

Riley leaned back, almost affronted. “I won’t die from a little alcohol, Lucas. It’ll be fun!” 

Maya smiled at Lucas, as if to say see?, before turning her grin to the rest of the group. “So it’s decided? Darby’s for Valentine’s Day?”

Farkle, Smackle, and Zay all assented, if not a little indifferently, and Riley clapped her hands together in excitement. Lucas, on the other hand, looked disappointed, and even a little angry, at the decision. Maya, however, decided to ignore it. 

“Chin up, Ranger Rick,” she said. “I’m sure you can still draw us each our very own Valentine’s cards. I’ll just be very drunk when I read it.”

This statement did not cheer him up. 

***

When the six arrived at the party, it was in full swing. It seemed like all around them were drunken teenagers causing complete and utter chaos. 

Lucas cast a skeptic look at Maya as they entered the house, but she merely rolled her eyes. 

“Don’t be a Debby Downer, Huckleberry,” she said. “You don’t have to drink, you can just hang out. I’m going to go take a shot, though.” With that, she headed for the kitchen, where she had spotted a handle of vodka that had her name on it.

Riley and Zay followed her, while Smackle and Farkle went to sit on a couch. Lucas sighed, silently asking for strength from God, and went to the kitchen. 

When he got there, Maya was already pouring herself and Zay a second shot, and Riley was about to pour coke into a glass with an inch of light amber liquid in it. He spotted an unopened can of beer on the counter and grabbed it for his own sake. 

“Riley, are you seriously drinking?” Lucas asked, incredulous.

“Yes.” Riley finished filling up her cup with coke and turned to him. “I’m allowed to have fun, aren’t I?”

“You know this isn’t you.” Ironically, Lucas took a sip of his beer.

“Lucas, you’re drinking. You’re not yelling at Maya or Zay for drinking. What, everyone else is allowed to drink but me?”

“No, I – “

“– I’m sixteen years old. I’m just fulfilling the teenage stereotype.” Riley maneuvered past him to the living room without another word. 

“You’re being ridiculous, Ranger Rick,” Maya snapped. “Just let Riley do what she wants.”

“She’s doing this because of you, Maya. You shouldn’t be encouraging her.” 

Maya narrowed her eyes, furious. “Or maybe Riley is her own person and can make her own decisions.”

“With your help,” he muttered.

“You know, it’s hard to listen to you being so self-righteous when you’ve got your own fucking drink in your hand. Moral Compass, my ass.” She pushed past him, following Riley and leaving Lucas and Zay in the kitchen. 

“Wow, nice going, man,” Zay said when Maya was completely gone. 

“Shut up.” 

***

Maya was sufficiently drunk by the time the police showed up. She was lying with her head on Zay’s lap, who was waxing poetic about how funny Smackle was and she barely even registered that there was a police officer staring unamused at the two of them until Zay said, “Well, shit,” and nudged for her to sit up. 

They were all detained in the county jail except for Smackle and Farkle, who had both left separately after about an hour, and the four of them – Maya, Riley, Lucas, and Zay – sat uncomfortably on cold, concrete benches with another group of intoxicated friends. All of them had their arms crossed and scowls on their faces, except for Zay, who looked vaguely indifferent to the moods of his friends. He was the one to speak first.

“This is a fun time.” 

Lucas shot him a look and Zay put his hands up in surrender. 

“I still don’t get why you’re mad,” Riley said to Lucas. She seemed as if she was concentrating very hard on not slurring her words. “I was just drinking. I’m fine.”

Lucas raised his eyebrows. “You’re in jail.” 

“And where are you?” She retorted.

Lucas scowled. “This isn’t you, Riley, and you know it. You’re not supposed to drink.”

Riley pushed herself off the wall and faced him. “Oh, I’m not supposed to? You know, Lucas, I’m more than just what you think I should be. I’m not, like, a box labeled ‘Riley’ in your mind. I’m an actual person.” She looked quite proud of herself, a defiant expression etched on her face as she looked at him.

He only looked away, mumbling, “That’s not what I think.” As he stared resolutely away from Riley, his eyes locked with Maya’s across the room.

The girl in question scoffed. “No, Riles, he thinks you’re an actual person, just not your own. 

“Come on, Maya,” Lucas started. She glared at him, and he was captivated by the glint in her blue eyes and the pout of her lips, which almost struck him as funny. But he knew his situation wasn’t quite a laughing matter, and that she was really was angry. He did love to see her angry, he’d admit, when he teased her back in the middle of their game, and she’d get frustrated at his nonchalance. But this wasn’t their game, and he hadn’t meant to antagonize her. He braced himself for the onslaught.

But before she could say a word, a police officer opened the door, and addressed the group. “One of your guardians is here to pick you four up.” He pointed to Maya, Riley, Lucas, and Zay. “Says his name is Shawn Hunter.” 

***

Maya’s vision had focused by the time Shawn had dropped off everyone else, and it was just the two of them alone in his car. Snow-capped trees sped by her window as she kept her gaze locked on the black sky, ignoring Shawn’s constant glances toward her. She was safe, for now, in the silence, in the transition time of the drive home, before he actually spoke. She didn’t want to have a heartfelt conversation, but knew that she would inevitably be subjected to one, because after all, it was Shawn. He liked to be her dad, and she liked to be his daughter (even though he and Katy hadn’t gotten married yet, and were waiting until the summer), yet at this point in time, all she really wanted was to lie in her bed and sulk, instead of talking about her feelings, which she so wished were nonexistent. 

After a few minutes, Shawn pulled into their driveway and shut the engine off, shifting so he faced Maya in his seat. “You’re drunk.”

“Not anymore.”

“Drinking to forget?”

Maya moved her gaze from the window to the windshield. She was making a little progress with the whole talking about feelings thing, but she still gave a noncommittal answer. “Maybe.”

Shawn sighed. “Maya, I used to drink a lot. I hurt a lot of people. My dad drank, too. I know it feels nice to drink when you’re sad, and you feel like it’s the only thing that works, but it’s not. I promise.”

“I know.” Maya chanced a look at Shawn. He was always so warm with her, so understanding. She didn’t deserve it, the kindness everyone was so willing to give her. “I just wanted to pretend…” She trailed off.

“Is this…because of your dad?”

Maya snorted. “Surprisingly, no.”

“Oh.” Shawn paused before responding. “Is it about a boy?”

Maya vaguely resented that, because it shouldn’t be about a boy. But it was. And the most infuriating part was that he wasn’t just a boy. 

Shawn interpreted her silence as an answer. “Ah, so it is about a boy. They’re the worst, aren’t they?” 

Maya cracked a smile, despite her best efforts to remain sullen. “That’s just it, though,” she started, because it was Shawn, and she might as well tell someone. “He’s not the worst. He’s…he’s a good guy. He’s sweet, and caring, and smart. Even a little funny.” And, she added in her head, if he knew she said these things about him, he’d never let her live it down. “That’s the worst part.”

“It doesn’t sound that bad to me.”

“He doesn’t feel the same way,” she elaborated. She knew it, of course, but saying the words out loud made it real, and the ache she’d felt at the beginning of the night was back in full force.

“How do you know?”

Maya scoffed. “I just know.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t at least try.”

“How cliché.”

“Don’t tease. I just drove you home from jail.”

“Oh, you did worse when you were younger.”

“Barely.”

Maya smiled, and Shawn punched her playfully. 

“Let’s head inside, kid. Your mom is going to kill you.”

Maya opened the passenger door to step outside onto the fresh snow. “She always says that.”

They met at the front of the car, and Maya looped an arm through Shawn’s as they trudged towards the front door. 

***

Lucas was up early the morning after their misconduct, brewing coffee and cooking bacon. He was never one for hangovers, both due to being a heavyweight and never actually drinking much, but his emotional exhaustion overshadowed his physical energy. 

He hadn’t really meant the things he’d said to Maya. He knew it wasn’t all her that influenced Riley. He had been stupid, and hypocritical, and he’d overreacted, just like Maya and Riley said he had. But he didn’t even know that Riley drank. He didn’t know a lot about what Riley did these days. 

Lucas resolved to apologize to both of the girls later that day. Maybe he’d drive over to Maya’s with some of his coffee and bacon, or some chocolate from the drawer, and proclaim his idiocy, which she was clearly already aware of. She’d like that, he thought. And Riley, well, Riley would probably just accept his apology with nothing else. As he mused about his separate strategies to obtain forgiveness, the doorbell rang. He was still thinking about what he would say to both girls when he opened the door to find a red-cheeked, fidgeting Maya on his porch. She glanced up when he answered, and the two looked at each other for a few seconds, coming to an understanding that both wanted the night before to be behind them. 

Lucas still wanted to say it, though. “I’m sorry, Maya. You know I don’t think of you like that. I was being, well…an asshole.”

Part of her had still thought Lucas saw her as the dark to Riley’s light, the constant force that pushed Riley into making bad decisions. They were two opposites to most everybody else, the dichotomy of good and evil, so why had she been surprised when Lucas had accused her of that much last night? But looking up at him in the morning light, the sun’s rays reflecting off the snow onto his cheekbones, he looked sincere. She could tell by his eyes. They were kind, now, seeing her like she was more than just shadow and moon, like maybe she contained multitudes. So, she responded: “Yeah, you were. But, it’s okay, Huckleberry. I’m sorry, too.”

Lucas furrowed his brows at her words. What did she have to be sorry for? He repeated his thoughts out loud to her.

“For forcing you to go to the party. I know you didn’t want to.” Maya ran a hand through her hair. “And for yelling.”

“I deserved it.” 

Maya smiled at that, and Lucas thought she looked something like art in that moment. She was pale, almost blending into the winter backdrop, but her flushed cheeks and warm, scarlet lips were a bold contrast to the white. The yellow of her hair seemed to bloom under the sunlight. She had forgiven him, and she was happy, but she still seemed a little tense. He could tell by her eyes. They were shifting, up and down and in almost every direction but him, and they looked a little nervous, like she was deciding something. 

All Maya could hear was Shawn’s words, despite their stereotypical nature, ringing in her ears. She knew, logically, that nothing would happen with her and Lucas if she didn’t try, but she also knew that there was no point in trying. Even if he felt the same way – and sometimes, when they bantered, or she caught him looking at her, she thought, maybe – he would always be Riley’s. Riley didn’t own him, no, but they were tied together. Maya would be a passing thought, a fleeting mention in their love story. What was the point in trying? 

Instead of saying what she really, truly wanted to say, she asked: “How about you teach me to drive stick?”

Lucas raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

Maya sighed dramatically, nodding. “Sure. Someone told me it would open a lot of possibilities.”

“Sounds like a smart guy,” Lucas responded, closing the door behind him and walking down the steps with Maya to his pick-up truck. 

“Eh, he’s kind of an asshole,” Maya said.

“You think you’re funny,” Lucas opened the door and slid into the passenger seat, while Maya did the same on the driver’s side. 

“No, I definitely know I am. Shut up and show me how to drive this thing, Teacher Boy.”

“That’s a new one.”

“I’m nothing if not original.”

Lucas gave her starting tips, and the two sped out for a bumpy ride through the dirt. 

 

***

March fourth was the school’s fiftieth anniversary, and the administration had asked three students to paint murals in the auditorium to commemorate the day. Maya, having crafted her reputation as one of the school’s artist girls, was suggested by Mr. Matthews to paint one of the murals. She worked on it almost every night before it would be revealed, maneuvering thick brush strokes across the canvas of all shades creating something of a kaleidoscope effect. Maya wasn’t much for the abstract, but it felt right to her for this project, and she wanted to make it one of her best, even if she wasn’t one for trying in school. 

When January fourteenth arrived, the school gathered inside the auditorium to watch the unveiling of the anniversary murals. Maya, frankly, thought it was a little over the top, but nonetheless she sat with her friends in one of the first rows, waiting in anticipation. Riley squeezed her hand in a gesture of pride. 

The principal gave a long, boring speech about tradition and values that Maya barely paid attention to, instead opting to play tic-tac-toe with Zay, who was sitting next to her. She only looked up when she heard her name called in the list of artists who contributed, and a minute after two volunteers whipped away the huge tarp covering the murals. There were three: a lighthouse, the school building, and hers. But, Maya realized, it wasn’t really hers – over her carefully placed lines and shapes, were thick, black strips of paint. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to it, except to obliterate her own message beneath.

There was extensive chatter flowing throughout the auditorium, and the vice principal and principal began whispering to each other. Riley put her hand on Maya’s arm in an attempt to comfort her, but Maya merely shook her head and left the room. She grabbed her jacket from her locker and headed outside on the fresh grass. The snow had all melted by now, the trees were beginning to bloom once again, and Maya had taken the spring as a fresh start. She stopped in the middle of the lawn, running her shaking hands through her hair. She could hear footsteps behind her, but ignored them until the last possible second, when she felt a heavier, warmer hand than Riley’s on her shoulder. 

Lucas wore his concerned face Maya so easily recognized, and Riley was standing next to him. Zay, Farkle, and Smackle were catching up behind them. 

“I’m fine, really, guys,” Maya assured them. She plastered a smile on her face to make it convincing. She hated so many of these school events, where everyone sat together in a congested, humid auditorium and were subjected to long speeches about the school and communities, but this was one she could finally be interested in. This event supported her artwork, which in turn, was her, and she’d spent hours upon hours trying to impress her teachers and fellow classmates. She should’ve known it was too good to be true, she censured herself. No one really cared what she did in this school. 

“What happened in there?” Riley asked.

“They trashed my mural,” Maya shrugged. 

“You don’t think it was a personal attack against you…” Riley half-questioned.

“Well, there were three murals, and only Maya’s was ruined,” Farkle reasoned.

“Come on, Farkle, no one hates Maya that much to mess up her mural.”

“You don’t know that, Riley.”

“Whoever it is, we need to do something,” Lucas added. 

Maya groaned. “Stop it, guys. It doesn’t matter who it is and it doesn’t matter that my mural is ruined. Please, can you all just stay out of it?” With that, she turned and walked off campus. She had no idea where she was planning on going, she only wanted to get away from the arguing and disappointment. 

***

Lucas was usually one for the rational, but there were certain triggers that really pushed him over the edge. Someone vandalizing Maya’s mural was definitely one of those triggers, he realized, as he headed for some punk he barely remembered the name of in the parking lot. He had heard Maya tell him and everyone else to stay out of it, but he could tell her nonchalant attitude was merely a façade. So, here he was, with barely contained anger, stalking towards some guy – Derek? Dan? – who was leaning against a beat up car, and was Lucas’s main suspect.

Lucas reached the guy, immediately grasping a heap of his shirt cloth in his fist, and pushed him up against the car. The guy – his name was Dean, Lucas recalled – looked bewildered at first, but quickly composed himself. Dean had messy, dark hair, thin lips, and a squat nose. He smoked cigarettes in back alleys and wore biker wristbands without a bike. Dean thought himself a rebel, smooth and cool, and Lucas wanted to wipe the smug look off his face.

“What’s your problem, man?” Dean asked, clasping a hand around the arm Lucas used to hold his shirt. 

“What’s your problem with Maya?” 

“Who, the blonde artist chick? I don’t give a fuck about her.”

Lucas tightened his hold on Dean’s shirt. “Then why’d you vandalize her mural?”

“I don’t know,” Dean shrugged and smirked at a couple of his friends beside him. “I guess I thought it was funny.” 

“Well, I didn’t.”

“Too bad for you. It’s just a prank, man. No one really cares about her or her fucking mural thing.” 

Lucas pressed him harder against the dented metal of the car. “Trust me, I do. And I want you to apologize and turn yourself in to the principal by the end of the day.”

Dean scoffed. “Why should I?”

“You don’t want to test me.” Lucas let go, and turned away with the full intent of going home and cooling down. But a second later, he felt a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back. As he did, a fist collided with his face, hitting him right between the eyes, and he staggered back from the force. 

Over the years, Lucas had learned to control the anger that always seemed to sit in the pit of his stomach, and now he could often deal with merely warning the people he so badly wanted to fight. He never entertained his base instincts that begged him to throw a punch, but in this moment, Lucas forgot everything he’d learned to do, and wound his fist back to return the blow.

He felt his knuckles crack from the pressure, and the instant relief he felt from giving in, and Dean fell back against the hood of his car. Immediately after his rationale returned, and Lucas let his fist uncurl and fall back to his side. 

“I told you not to test me,” he growled, and walked away to his truck. 

***

Lucas was busy icing his eye, which had since purpled and bruised, when he heard the front door slam and footsteps marching in his direction. He already knew it was her before he felt a hand slap him up the head and a furious voice behind him. 

“What in the fuck were you thinking, Lucas?” 

He glanced up to see Maya standing in front of him, arms crossed over her chest and sharp eyes narrowed. He groaned, resting his hand against the back of the couch and gave a heaving sigh. “He started it.”

“Are you five?” Maya rolled her eyes. “And from what Zay told me, you started it by pushing him up against a car and threatening him!”

“He sucker punched me after.” Lucas’s head was aching and he could feel his eye swell beneath the ice pack. Maya’s berating was not what he wanted to hear at the moment.

“I’m not here to discuss technicalities with you, Friar. I don’t see how you could possibly justify your actions. I told you to stay out of it!”

“He trashed your mural, Maya. I was just trying to protect you.” Lucas dropped the ice from his eye, and his vision focused on Maya. Her expression softened, but became stony a moment later as she straightened up. 

“I don’t need you to protect me, Lucas.” 

Lucas was about to argue, but Maya continued. 

“I’m the one who’s supposed to protect you.”

Lucas closed his mouth. “Wait, what?”

Maya sighed, uncrossing her arms and placing them on her hips. “When you and Riley split, she asked me to keep an eye on you, to guide you through the harrowing process of a break up. And since she’s my best friend, I agreed. I’m supposed to protect you.” 

Lucas stood up, gaining inches over Maya, who raised her chin to keep eye contact. “So, what, everything between us has just been a lie? Our relationship is just all made up because of a promise you made to Riley?”

Maya faltered. “What do you mean, our relationship? Lucas…”

“I thought…”

“You thought what?”

“I guess I thought it actually meant something to you. You can just go, Maya.” Lucas walked up the stairs to his room, leaving Maya standing bewildered in his living room.

***

Lucas knew his and Maya’s friendship was a little sudden, but he had thought it was due to their mutual heartbreak. They used to only hang out because everyone else was friends with each other, and Maya would make fun of him, and he’d laugh it off. They had their little game, but nothing more than that. But after he had broken up with Riley and she Missy, he’d found he could depend on her, and they had much more in common than he had thought. He’d thought their newfound friendship was natural, built off of trust and respect. He’d grown to confide in her, to make note to tell her about something that reminded him of her, to search for her in the hallways at school. He thought he and Maya were best friends.  
Yet she had just told him their relationship was nothing more than a fleeting promise she’d made to her real best friend, and his ex-girlfriend. And, Lucas chided himself, how could he be so stupid to think she could think of him the same way he thought of her?

He rubbed his hand over his face, frustrated that he could agonize so much over one girl – one annoying, angry, hilarious, beautiful girl. That was the worst part, Lucas thought. He still saw her in gold despite what he’d just learned. 

A knock on his bedroom door interrupted his thoughts.

“Come in.”

Riley opened his door, carrying a cup of water and an ice pack. She set down the water and sat beside him on the bed, handing him the ice pack.

Lucas accepted it, placing the pack on his eye, feeling the cool seep into his skin and relieve some of his pain. He peered up at Riley with one eye. “Are you going to lecture me, too?” 

She had her hair up in a ponytail, but a couple strands of hair were loose and framing her face. She pushed one of them behind her ear and said, “That was very noble of you. And unnecessary.” 

He raised his eyebrows at her unexpected response. 

Riley shrugged. “I know you only warned him in the beginning. He punched you first.”

“But I punched him back. I thought you’d be angry with me for that.” Lucas turned his head away from Riley and stared up at his blank ceiling. “Maya is.”

“I’m definitely not happy with you. But you lost control. Maya knows that, too.”

Lucas was silent, and Riley merely watched him for a few minutes. 

“She told me about your fight,” she said after a while. 

Lucas could tell Riley was still looking at him. He didn’t return her gaze, instead opting to continue to look at his ceiling, but his ears were attuned to what she was going to say, and Riley knew it.

“She cares about you, Lucas. Maybe she only started being friends with you because I asked her to, but you can’t think she continued to do so all for me. Maya takes friendship seriously, and yours is really important to her. Just…cut her some slack, okay?”

Lucas didn’t respond, only closed his eyes and sighed, and Riley patted his arm consolingly. She withdrew it as she stood up, and he felt the bed bend slightly from the loss of her weight. He kept his eyes close until he heard the door click behind her. 

***

Maya was sick of sulking and stewing at home, so she grabbed the spare white paint from the basement, her roller, and her paint clothes (overalls and a white t-shirt), and headed to the school. Painting always relaxed her, and this would start to solve at least one of her problems, so she was ready to take action. 

When she reached the auditorium and pushed open the double doors, she was taken by surprise at the sight of Lucas standing on a ladder, brushing his own white paint over her ruined mural. Maya’s entire body seemed to sigh with relief. It was so predictably Lucas, to help her in spite of everything. She walked down the aisle steps to reach him, rapping on his ladder to get his attention. He looked down at her at the sound, grinning. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked, knowing full well what the answer was.

Lucas shrugged, still keeping a smile on his face from her arrival. “Thought you could use a fresh start.” 

Maya nodded and set down her own paint bucket and roller, gathering her thick hair up into a ponytail. Lucas finished spreading paint across the canvas until it ran out on his roller, then he dropped his hand to his side and sent her a look. “Aren’t you going to thank me?”

Maya scoffed and put her hands on her hips. “For what, Huckleberry?”

“Oh, for gallantly defending your honor and pride, taking a sucker punch from some slimy alternative guy, painting over your mural…I could go on.”

“Yeah, you’re a real Western hero,” Maya rolled her eyes and picked up her roller. “But, you know, if I was going to thank you for anything, it would be for just being you. And for being there for me this year when no one else really was.” She dipped the roller in the thick white paint and pressed it against the canvas. “When Riley asked me to look out for you, I agreed partly because I needed someone, too. And you became that person. I guess…I don’t really know what I’d do without you, Friar.” Maya took a deep breath, her heart pounding from her declaration. It was as close to what she wanted to say as she could or would get, but despite the walls she still had up, she felt her vulnerability like she was stripped cold in public.  
Lucas smiled widely, cocking his head to the side as he observed her. She was wide-eyed and wringing her hands, but she returned the smile nonetheless. Lucas could only think about Riley’s words – She cares about you – and the simple joy of talking to Maya that jumpstarted his day, the little somersault his stomach did when she smiled at him, a feeling he’d gotten used to by now and didn’t think much of. She was intrinsically tied to his life now, much more than a friend of convenience, and he knew he could have it no other way. “Back at you, Hart.”

***

In a shocking development, Maya didn’t really feel like drinking that night – well, she didn’t feel like getting drunk. It was a cool Saturday night in March, on the cusp of spring, and they all decided to blow off some steam and go to Sarah’s party. This time, no one was adamantly against the idea. 

Maya arrived and grabbed a cold beer from the fridge and stood in the kitchen, intermittently chatting with classmates that greeted her. It was warm and stuffy throughout most of the house, but her choice of room allowed some space and fresh air, so she opted to stay there for the remainder of the night. It was where she stayed now, leaning against the cool kitchen counter, sipping at her first beer – a half-hour into the night and she was still on one drink, which was definitely a record for her. 

The kitchen was tucked in the side of the house, off of the living room, and there was a large open archway that connected the two. From where Maya was standing, she had an unobstructed view of the living room sofa, and although she knew she’d be much happier without it, her masochism kept her there, watching the scene before her. Lucas was sitting relaxed on the couch, a beer in one hand and the other arm around a strawberry-blonde girl with high cheekbones and a wide, white smile. The girl was giggling at something Lucas had said, which Maya had no doubt was not funny at all, and as she did, she leaned in closer, turning her body to face him more, and Lucas cocked his head to the side like he so often did. Maya looked away and finished her beer. 

“How ya doin’?” Zay walked over from the other side of the kitchen where he was chatting with Smackle, and leaned against the counter next to Maya. 

Maya shrugged, and despite her best efforts, let her gaze drift back to Lucas and the girl, whose name Maya thought was Anna. She’d never seen Lucas flirt like this. He didn’t look awkward or unsure, his wry smiles and compliments un-accidentally romantic, like he used to act with Riley. Here, he looked in control and confident.

Zay followed her line of vision and seemed to have a moment of realization, but he merely said, “Wanna talk about it?”

Maya both did and didn’t want to talk about it. Talking about it meant acknowledging it, again, to someone else, who knew exactly who she was talking about this time. Talking about it meant someone else knew the rejection she was experiencing. But talking about it also meant lifting the weight off of her chest that had been present for months, even for just a moment. Weighing the pros and cons, she finally said, “I’ve gotten myself in an impossible situation.”

Zay didn’t say anything, only humming in acknowledgement, so Maya continued. “It’s so incredibly stupid of me. I’m never going to get what I want, and even if I did…I could really hurt someone I care about. Not to mention I’m already preoccupied with someone else at the moment, but I always seem to forget about him.” 

Josh had called Maya the other day, and they’d spent hours talking on the phone. She had felt giddy in the moment, but when they’d hung up, Lucas came over to study, and all thoughts of Josh had essentially flown out the window. 

“I think impossible situations aren’t always as impossible as they seem,” Zay said, unceremoniously grabbing her beer and taking a sip. 

“Wise,” Maya deadpanned. “If I confess my…feelings…I will undoubtedly be rejected, leaving me hurt. And in the extremely slim chance that I’m not rejected, then my best friend will be hurt. I lose someone either way.”

Zay handed her back the can of beer. “You’re hurting right now,” he pointed out. 

“See?” Maya looked back through the archway, where Lucas and Anna were still wrapped up in each other. “An impossible situation.”

“How do you know he isn’t in the same impossible situation as you?”

“Look at him,” she said, and it was the first time she had blatantly acknowledged the boy they both knew was the subject of their conversation. “He isn’t thinking about me right now. He doesn’t think about me like that at all.”

“I doubt that,” Zay said, pushing himself off the counter. “People can surprise you for the better, Maya.” He put a comforting hand on her shoulder, then left to speak to some guy on the football team who was waving him over. 

Maya stared back at Lucas and Anna on the sofa, the latter flashing a flirty smile at the former, who ran a tan, veiny hand through his hair. Maya wondered why they hadn’t kissed yet, and almost felt a sliver of hope, before remembering that Lucas was always slow to make a move. He’s not thinking about me, he’s not thinking about me, he’s not thinking about me. She took another sip of her beer. 

***

The next day Lucas dragged her out of her house and practically forced her into his pick-up truck, all the while proclaiming that this was a surprise, and no he could not tell her what the fuck was going on. They stopped on the main street in town, and he clasped her hand and pulled her along on the street for a block until they reached a chipped, blank wall, which was the back of some business building. Lucas let go her of her hand and motioned to the wall.

Maya raised her eyebrows. “What is this?”

“It’s a wall,” Lucas said cheekily.

“Thank you, Einstein. I mean, is this supposed to be the surprise?” 

“Yes.” Lucas was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet in excitement. “If you remember about a week ago or so, you painted a mural on a wall, and then it got ruined. Well, I was thinking about you, and I thought I’d give you a bigger wall.” He revealed a paintbrush from behind his back and handed it to her. “For your next artistic endeavor.”

“You bought me a wall?” Maya stared in amazement from Lucas to the object in question. 

“I actually rented it, but it’s the same effect.” 

“You bought me a wall!” She could not help but repeat her previous question, thinking of what Zay had told her earlier – People can surprise you for the better…

“And some paint, too,” Lucas picked up a can of white paint by the brick and passed it to her free hand. “Obviously it won’t cover the whole thing, but it’s a start.”

“I can’t believe this…how am I supposed to finish this whole thing?”

“You can do it. It’s a limited time offer, though, so get cracking, Hart.” He grinned one last time and walked away.

“Huckleberry,” she called after him. He stopped walking and swiveled around, hands stuffed in his pockets and a satisfied glint in his eyes. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.” 

Maya turned back to the wall looming over her, a great and wonderful challenge. She popped open the lid on the can of paint, dipped her brush in the thick liquid, then drew a large swath of paint on the wall, a mark of her beginning. 

***

Josh and Maya hadn’t had the best chance to see each other in the past few weeks they’d been dating, so Josh invited Maya up to Tufts for the weekend. Shawn was incredibly wary of this possibly, but Katy convinced him to let her go, so Maya packed her bag and headed to the bus station to go to Boston. Katy dropped her off, and when Maya was about to hop out of the car, she stopped her with a hand on her arm. 

“I’m completely crazy for letting you go, right?”

Maya tilted her head and scrunched her nose, pretending to think. “Yes, but I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“Mmh, you better,” Katy said. “Have fun, baby girl.”

“Love you, Mom.” Maya leaned over to kiss her mom on the cheek before jumping out of the car and walking to the bus that was parked nearby. 

***

The bus ride was about an hour and a half, and when she arrived, Josh wasn’t waiting for her at the station like she expected, but instead a beautiful girl with curly black hair, full dark cheeks, and thick plum lips was holding a sign that read ‘Maya Hart.’

Maya reached her, shifted her bag strap up on her shoulder, and said, “Hi, I’m Maya Hart.”

“Oh, hi! I’m Elise.” Elise lowered her sign and held her hand out for Maya to shake.

Maya took her hand, smiling politely. “Where’s Josh?”

“The dumbass forgot he had to take a test today, so he sent me to get you,” Elise clarified, gesturing to the parking lot so the two could start walking. “I’m his best friend, by the way. He’s told me all about you.”

“Right, I think he’s mentioned you a couple of times.” He hadn’t, actually, but Maya thought it was the right thing to say. 

“I hope he didn’t say anything too bad,” Elise joked. They’d reached her car – a gray jeep – and Elise helped Maya put her bag in the back, and they both hoisted themselves into the car. 

“Of course not.”

“He’s great, though, isn’t he?” Without waiting for a response, Elise continued. “You should hear the way he talks about you – it’s really sweet, just like he is. I can always tell when he really likes a girl by his eyes. They light up.” 

Maya blushed. “I doubt that.”

“No, they do.” She said it assuredly, almost with a hint of sadness that Maya recognized. Then, with incredible conviction, she added: “Trust me. I know him better than anyone.” 

They arrived at a coffee shop in downtown Boston, where Josh was waiting at a table by the back, tapping his foot on the wooden floor. 

“We’ve arrived, Matthews,” Elise said, dramatically collapsing on the chair across from him, while Maya sat down next to him. 

“Thank you so much, El,” he said to Elise, before turning to Maya, a cute smile appearing on his face. He gave her a quick kiss in greeting. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t pick you up. Elise didn’t tell you too many lies about me, did she?”

“Only a couple.”

Josh grinned, and put an arm around Maya.

Elise shifted in her seat. “You guys probably want to be alone, so I’ll just head out.” She started to stand up.

“Come on, you don’t have to go,” Josh protested.

“No, it’s fine, I have to write an essay anyway.” 

“You wanna send it to me later?”

“Josh, please. You’re the one who needs help with essays, remember?”

Josh made a face, pretending to look hurt. “Right. Good luck.” 

“Thanks,” Elise smiled, waving to the couple before her. “Bye, guys. It was nice meeting you, Maya.”

“You, too.”

Once she’d gone, Maya said, “So, how long have you known each other?”

“Since the first day of college,” Josh responded, grinning at the memory. He wrapped his hands around his coffee cup, tapping a messy rhythm against the paper. “We met in our psychology class. We weren’t really friends at first, but somewhere down the line we became really close. We just…understand each other, if that makes sense.”

“Yeah, it makes sense,” Maya said. “You’ve never really mentioned her before.” It was true, despite what she had told Elise earlier. Josh would tell her about his classes, his hobbies, and his friends, but Elise had never come up. 

“Oh, well, I guess I never found a good time to bring her up,” he said, scratching the back of his head. 

Maya furrowed her brow. “You didn’t find a good time to mention your best friend?”

“You don’t really talk to me about your friends,” he pointed out. 

“You know them all.” 

“Right, well…” Josh ran his hand through his hair once again. “So, listen, I was thinking we watch a movie or two in my dorm, and then go to dinner tonight. How does that sound?”

Maya did not miss the change of topic, but she decided to let it slide. “Sure, that sounds great.” 

“Fantastic.” Josh grinned again, and Maya found it contagious. “How do you feel about Casablanca?”

“Fairly negative.”

Josh raised his eyebrows.

“The amount of times Riley has made me watch that movie should be illegal,” she clarified.

Josh laughed and said, “Well, we’ll come up with something. Wanna head back?” He jerked his head towards the exit. 

Maya nodded and the two grabbed their coffees and headed out the door into the crisp, spring air. The sun beat down on them through the early April clouds, casting a warm glow across Josh’s face, and Maya liked the way he placed a soft hand on her lower back to lead her. She liked him, she told herself as they walked in the direction of campus. 

***

At dinner, Maya noticed Josh splurged for a nicer restaurant than that of their first date in Capeside. There were linen tablecloths and engraved, white plates. She felt very flattered that he went to the effort of finding and paying for it, but she found herself out of place among the soft, classical music and multiple silverware options. 

Josh was speaking animatedly about some movie – Maya couldn’t remember which – and she was contemplating the quirk of his smile. She couldn’t help but compare it to Lucas’s. Josh’s smile was big and wide, and often followed a smirk. It fit his outspoken, charming personality. Lucas smiled either small and close-mouthed, or grinned without abandon. She was considering their differences, without any real purpose, when she heard the name ‘Elise.’ Josh was deep in his story, but Maya tuned in to start hearing what he was saying. 

“So, she knows I’m upset because of this shitty grade, so she brings over the movie to cheer me up. We stayed in my room watching it over and over the entire night.”

Maya realized he was talking about The Lady and the Tramp, which they had been discussing before, and she’d asked why it was his favorite. 

“You two sound really close,” she commented. She couldn’t quite believe she came here to be with Josh, to escape her feelings back home, but it was like she had stumbled into the same exact story. 

“Yeah, well,” Josh shrugged, looking slightly uncomfortable at her statement. The waiter came to bring the check, and Josh thanked him.

Maya just looked at him for a minute, and she knew there was no question as to whose smile – whose company – she preferred. She wondered if he compared her to Elise. She tucked her hair behind both ears and stared out the window.

“Maya, are you okay?” Josh asked.

She turned her head toward him again, shaking it. “Um, no, I’m not. I don’t think I can do this.”

“Do what?”

“This,” she motioned between the two of them. “I thought I could…I don’t know. I think it’s best if we stop…whatever this is between us.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

Maya sighed, her expression pained, and she tilted her head to indicate she wanted to go outside. She grabbed her coat from behind her and waited for Josh to pay before exiting the restaurant. She was shocked by the cold, dry wind that hit her as she came outside, and she wrapped her coat tighter around her frame. 

Josh appeared behind her a moment later. “Maya, what’s going on?”

“I can’t be with you anymore. There’s no way for me to explain why, it was just stupid of me to think…it doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me,” Josh protested. 

“It’s better this way,” Maya said, with stubborn indignation. Josh opened his mouth to respond, but she ignored him. “You should tell Elise how you feel.”

That struck him dumb, and he closed his mouth in surprise. “Wait…you don’t think? Is that what this is about, Maya?”

It was and it wasn’t. Maya could tell there was something in the way Elise talked about Josh, in the way Josh became quiet and reserved when she was mentioned, that showed there was more there than both thought. Maya had heard a twinge of pain in Elise’s voice when she had said how much Josh liked Maya, and Maya recognized it in herself. She hadn’t felt about Josh the way she thought she had as a kid for a while, and she knew it was futile to keep pretending like she did. Doing this now made her impossible situation a little less crushing. “No, it’s not. But it made me realize why this won’t work. We’re both preoccupied.” 

Josh didn’t seem to understand her meaning. “Preoccupied?”

Maya continued, saying, “I saw the way she talked about you when she picked me up. She cheers you up when you’re sad, Josh, and she edits your papers. You tease each other, and you know each other well. You clearly have feelings for each other.”

Josh’s eyebrows almost reached his hairline. He shook his head. “We’re just friends, Maya.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me about her? Why do you get uncomfortable when I bring your relationship up?” She demanded. 

“Because I didn’t think you’d like to talk about my best friend when I’m with you.”

“Because you think I’d be threatened by your relationship.”

Josh shook his head again, but he seemed less confident than before in his protest.

Maya reached an arm out to touch his shoulder. “It’s okay, I’m not jealous. Just think about what I said.”

Josh silently led her to his car, where she grabbed her duffle bag, and with one last half-hearted smile, she walked away, her back against the wind. She reached the bus station, which was thankfully only a few blocks away, and wiped the few tears that had dripped down her red cheeks. She wasn’t sad about the end of the relationship, but rather the end of the fantasy she’d kept so close to her heart since the start of her childhood, and the hope that she could actually get over Lucas Friar.

***

The earliest bus back to Capeside was at nine a.m., and it was almost ten p.m. as she looked at the flickering board of bus times. Maya noticed a couple of phones at the other side of the station, so she dug some spare coins from her jean pockets and punched in the number she’d memorized months ago. 

When his voice finally picked up after the fifth ring, she felt simultaneous relief and heartache. All she could say, sniffling softly and rubbing a red, tear-stained eye, was, “Please come get me.” 

Lucas arrived in his truck by 12:30pm, his face filled with concern as he practically jumped out of the vehicle to meet her by the bench outside the station. Despite her greatest efforts, 

Maya had continued to cry for almost the full two and a half hours she waited for him, and when he sat down beside her on the bench and wrapped two warm arms around her, she did not refuse the comfort. 

After a minute or so, he pulled away, wiping a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb, and tucking a strand of hair damp from her tears behind her ear. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Maya snorted. “Not really.”

“Okay. Let’s go home.” Lucas stood, offering his hand for Maya to take. 

Once they’d both gotten into the car and he had turned on the engine, the headlights flooding the pavement before them with light, Maya said softly, “Thanks for coming.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he assured.

***

The drive was long and tiring, and at 2:00am Maya proclaimed she was hungry, and that Lucas looked like he was about to fall asleep at the wheel. They stopped as soon as possible, by a 24-hour diner off the side of the road, with the ‘e’ in its fluorescent light sign flickering on and off. Maya ordered pie and ice cream, Lucas got fries and coffee for the both of them, and the two ate in silence for an hour or so, with Maya staring resolutely at her plate, and Lucas staring at her, waiting for anything.

Finally, she sent him a glare from across the table. “Stop staring at me and go to sleep. You look like you’re about to collapse.”

“I’m not just going to fall asleep and leave you alone,” he said, affronted at the thought.

“You’re not going anywhere, Huckleberry. The only other person in this diner is that little old lady, who, frankly, I think I can take. I made you come pick me up, anyway.”

“You didn’t make me – ”

“Sleep.” 

Lucas finally heeded her order, laying his head against the back of the red leather seat, and Maya ordered another pie to keep her busy. She wasn’t tired – far from it – and felt a certain calm from the simplicity of the situation. He had come to get her, which she knew he would, and at the moment they were merely two kids in a diner, with no one else around, and no impossible restrictions thrust upon them. The middle of the night had that effect. At 3am, everything was so much less serious, so much less demanding or urgent. For now, he could sleep and she could eat pie, and that was all she had to think about. 

It didn’t last for long – or at least if felt that way – as Maya noticed sun-speckled spots on the plastic table in front of her. She looked behind her to see a blood-orange sunrise behind her, rolling over the plain out the window. Leaning over to check Lucas’s watch, she cursed when she saw what it said. She shook him to wake him up and ordered two coffees to go from the curly-haired waitress behind the counter, who was flipping through her book with indifference. 

“Huckleberry,” Maya shook Lucas again. He had drooled a little on to his sleeve, and she couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. “Wake the fuck up.” 

Finally, Lucas stirred, fluttering his eyes open in disorientation. “What time is it?”  
“It’s seven o’clock.” Maya was able to come up with enough cash to pay for their five-hour meal, and thanked the waitress profusely when she brought them their coffees. Maya pushed one of the large Styrofoam cups into Lucas’s hand. “Take this.” 

Lucas, still groggy, pushed himself off the bench and followed Maya out the door to his car. He took a large gulp of the scalding hot coffee to wake himself up, wincing at the burn it gave his tongue. “Is it really seven?” He asked, when he had joined her inside the truck. 

“Yeah,” Maya nodded, taking a much smaller sip from her own coffee cup. “You snore, by the way.”

“Thanks for the information.” 

“No problem.” 

***

They had another half hour left of their drive home, and fifteen minutes in, sick of Maya’s silence throughout the night, Lucas spoke up. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened that you so desperately needed me to pick you up in the middle of the night?”

Maya flushed from her guilt over calling him, and she brushed the stray hairs from her face. “I’m really sorry about that.”

“Don’t be sorry, Maya,” he sighed. “I don’t care that you asked me, I’m just wondering why.” 

Maya was silent for a minute, staring out the half-cracked window at the lush grass that led to the long lake outside. Finally: “There was another girl.”

“Shit, are you kidding me?” Lucas cursed.

Maya suddenly realized she was misrepresenting the situation. “No, no, he wasn’t cheating on me.”

“Oh…well, then what?”

“It was just his best friend. Elise. She was really beautiful and clearly in love with him.” She stated it matter-of-factly, and took the chance at looking back at Lucas, who caught her gaze for a second before turning back to the road. 

“I’m really sorry, Maya.” 

“It’s okay.” She almost meant it. “It sucks, but it’s okay.” To her frustration, she felt her eyes swell up with fresh tears, and she swiped them away indignantly. 

“You don’t have to pretend to be fine, Maya. You can be upset.”

That was the worst part, Maya thought to herself, that Lucas could say these things to her and she felt cracked, like he was breaking apart everything she’d set up over almost seventeen years, and he could see through it all. It was the worst part that he knew her so well, like Josh knew Elise, but they’d never be anything for a multitude of reasons. “I’m not upset about that,” she said.

“What are you upset about, then?”

She sighed, letting the back of her head hit the seat. “Josh has somebody…” She trailed off, hesitant to continue. “…Like…the Riley to his Lucas.”

“What?” Lucas said, giving Maya a look from his driver’s seat, brows furrowed and lips set tight, almost amused and confused at the same time. 

“The Riley to his Lucas,” Maya repeated. “Someone who knows him for exactly who he is. They’re perfect for each other.”

Lucas frowned. “I wouldn’t say that.” 

It wasn’t clear as to which part he was referring, but Maya didn’t question him. Voice broken and quiet, she said, “I’m never going to have that.” 

It hung in the air for a second, a dejected confession, a mourning of something that hadn’t yet come to be.

“You don’t know that,” Lucas responded. His tone was much stronger in comparison, like he wanted to compensate for her own lack of confidence.

“No, it’s true.” She had composed herself now, and was looking at him with fierce detachment. “The only two people who have ever really known me are Riley and…”

“Josh?” Lucas looked incredulous. “Come on, don’t say Josh.”

Maya made a face, as if the thought was ridiculous. “I was going to say you.” She realized her mistake as soon as she said it, cursing under her breath. 

“Oh.” Lucas glanced at her, but she was looking away with incredible concentration. “What…what does that mean?”

“Nothing, just forget it.” She ran a trembling hand through her knotted hair. 

“No, Maya, explain.” 

She ignored him, instead saying, “Can you pull over?”

“Maya – ”

“ – Please.”

“Fine.” Lucas drove the car off the road onto a large stretch of grass, stopping it abruptly and turning to face Maya with an expectant look on his face. 

She opened the door and climbed out, walking away with purpose and what she hoped was dignity, but was really closer to desperation. 

“Maya, stop!” Lucas jumped out of the car and followed her, grabbing her arm to turn her around when he finally reached her. 

She stopped and to his surprise, didn’t resist, but stared determinedly over his shoulder, refusing to look him in the eyes. 

“Maya, what does that mean?”

“Nothing!” She exclaimed, finally meeting his eyes. 

“You’re making a big deal out of it, so obviously…” He cut off, running a hand through his hair. When he spoke again, he reverted back to his previous question. “What does that mean, Maya?”

Part of her wanted to hide from him and this conversation forever, and the other part was tired of deflecting, yelling at her to throw caution to the wind, so she settled with a question of her own: “What do you think it means?” 

Looking back on the moment, Lucas could not say what made him do what he did. It was an unknowable, unseeable force that pushed him toward her – that always pushed him toward her. She was looking up at him with wide, expectant blue eyes (and he could always tell by her eyes), like she was just waiting for him to get it. The wind blew the hood of his coat astray so it hit the back of his neck and shoulder, and Maya’s hair was blowing across her face so she had to keep pushing it back, like the breeze’s insistence was urging him to do something, anything. Everything else seemed to agree. There was the sun sweeping gold brilliance across Maya’s tilted, pale face, and the wind’s pressure against his back, and the thought of a diner and white paint and burning hickory and broken tears by a dock in a hot summer that started it all, and the nagging pounding in his head that bellowed out the words I was going to say you – so he kissed her. 

When his lips made contact with hers, he realized he had always wanted to kiss her. Whether he’d known it or not, the desire had stayed waiting, burning within him for months with a quiet insistence. He didn’t know why he had not been kissing her forever as his lips moved against hers, warm and bittersweet from coffee and apple pie, and his hands cradled her face between his thumb and forefingers like he could never let go. Kissing Maya was the culmination of everything he’d never known he wanted, of everything he’d done in the past year. And when they finally broke apart, he was speechless from the realization, and she from shock. 

Finally, he shattered the deafening silence with a pathetic, “Uh…”

His tiny statement seemed to push Maya out of her reverie. “Why did you do that?”

“I just…I don’t know.”

Maya raised her eyebrows, and a second later a realization dawned on her, and her expression became close to pained. “You don’t know? You kiss me and start a huge mess and you don’t even know why?” Maya wanted to jump up in ecstasy at the recent events, but the fact that Lucas could not even articulate his actions, nor seemed to understand the cataclysmic repercussions to both of them saddened and infuriated her. 

Lucas’s expression fell. “Please don’t tell Riley.” 

Maya calmed, her anger fading away, leaving only her dismay. “She’s my best friend, Lucas. And she’s your ex-girlfriend.” 

There was the unspoken, but already known, thought in both their heads that it was much too complicated and much too impossible. 

Maya sighed. “I’m going to just walk home.”

“Maya, come on, it’s cold and we’re still like six miles away. Just let me drive you.”

She was silent for a minute, contemplating her options, but at Lucas’s pleading look she relented, nodding. 

They drove home in tense silence, only the sound of the engine and their unspoken thoughts to fill the gap. Maya gave him a terse nod when he dropped her off at her house, and when she went inside, she watched him drive away through the window, her heart pounding from the memory of his lips on hers, and the immediate regret of how it made her feel. 

Exhaustion hit her after Lucas had completely pulled out of the driveway, and she fell asleep almost immediately, only waking up when she felt a rough hand gently nudging her. 

Shawn kneeled in front of her with a concerned and surprised look on his face. She could see her mother pouring coffee into three cups in the kitchen, whistling softly to herself. Maya rubbed at her eyes, sitting up with the little energy she had left, and took a deep breath, ready to respond to the questioning glint in Shawn’s eyes. Her mom appeared behind him and handed Maya a steaming cup of coffee, and the bitterness wafting up in vapor helped wake her. She took a sip before saying, “Josh and I broke up.”

Shawn and Katy seemed to have been expecting that answer, because they exchanged knowing looks and then viewed Maya with matching pitying expressions. Maya sighed and continued. “I got Lucas to drive me back home. You guys were still asleep when I got here.” 

Katy set her cup down and sat next to Maya, wrapping her arm around her daughter’s shoulders. “Oh, baby girl, I’m sorry.” 

“I’m fine, Mom,” Maya assured her. In response to Katy’s skeptical look, she added, “Really.”

“If you say so, Maya. But I’m here to talk to, okay?”

“I know.”

Shawn, who was sitting on the coffee table, hands clasped together on his knees, said, “Well, Maya, what do you say we get some breakfast? Your mom has to work, so it’ll be just the two of us.” 

Maya knew Shawn suspected there was more to the story than just the regular break up, and she knew he also knew she was not ready to tell many people about her certain feelings for a certain boy. She was grateful for the opportunity to get food with Shawn, not because she didn’t want to talk to her mom, but because confessing her feelings to more people would make her feel even less in control than before. Plus, she was starving despite her multiple slices of pie from earlier. So, she smiled at Shawn, letting him know she appreciated his suggestion, and said, “Sure, that sounds good. I’ll just go get changed.” 

Once she’d shed her clothes from the night, which clung with exhaustion and complication, brushed her teeth, and washed her face, Maya felt a tiny bit better solely because of the freshness that came with the routine. She kissed her mom on the cheek and met Shawn outside, who was already seated in the car, waiting for her. 

***

Maya felt a strange deja-vu sitting across from Shawn, just like she had with Lucas only a four hours ago. Thinking about it made her green with anxiety. 

Shawn had stayed fairly quiet in the drive over, as well as the first ten minutes of their breakfast, but he then voiced the thought she knew he had had earlier that morning. “It was more than just a break-up, wasn’t it?”

Maya sighed, trying to find a way to possibly make sense of the night and morning’s events. She explained the situation with Elise, how she’d known she didn’t fit into the equation of Josh’s life, and how she’d called Lucas late that night, begging him to come pick her up. She was silent for a second, and Shawn merely watched her patiently, and she took a deep breath. 

“Then he kissed me.”

“Lucas?”

“No, Big Bird.” 

Shawn rolled his eyes at her sarcasm.

“Yes, Lucas.”

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s awful.” Maya didn’t ask how Shawn knew Lucas was the boy she’d told him about two months before, because she assumed he’d always suspected it. “If Riley found out…” She didn’t even want to think about if Riley found out.

Shawn nodded, realizing they’d come to the real crux of the problem. “Don’t you think Riley would support you and step back if you told her how you feel about Lucas?”

“Yes, she would,” Maya agreed. “That’s the worst part. She’s my best friend and she’d give up the boy she’s loved her entire life for me. I don’t deserve that.”

“Are you sure she still loves him?”

Maya shrugged. “She’ll always love him…It doesn’t matter anyway, though, because it’s not like he has feelings for me.”

Shawn raised his eyebrows. “Why would he kiss you if he didn’t have feelings for you, Maya?”

Maya looked down at her plate of pancakes, which she’d taken exactly two bites of so far, contemplating Shawn’s question. Why would Lucas kiss her? When he was looking at her on that patch of grass, she felt like the heat of his gaze meant something, like he was looking at her the way she’d looked at him for the past few months, and they were finally on the same page. And when he kissed her, it was like a confirmation of that exact thought. But still, Maya could hardly fathom that Lucas Friar would have feelings for her when Riley Matthews was the girl he’d lived next to by the creek for seventeen years. 

“I think,” Shawn interrupted her thoughts. “You need to talk to Riley. You’ll never be able to pursue your feelings without telling her, and maybe she actually is getting over him. You never know.”

“Again with the platitudes,” Maya groaned. 

“Hey, I like my clichés,” Shawn said, pointing a fork at her playfully. “You know I’m right.”

“I hate that.” 

Shawn grinned, and Maya gave a weak smile in return, twisting her fork around in the pool of maple syrup gathered on her plate. Even though she absolutely dreaded what she had to do, she would call Riley and make plans with her for tonight, she decided. 

*** 

“I kissed her,” Lucas said immediately after Zay answered his door.

“Uh…” Zay stepped back from the threshold and responded, weakly, “Come in?”

Lucas obeyed, trudging into the house, taking off his shoes before he stepped further inside. “I can’t believe I kissed her!”

“I’m gonna need a name here,” Zay said, shutting the door behind Lucas. 

“Maya!” Lucas said, arms waving frantically in the air. 

“Maya?” Zay’s face lit up with a bright smile. Lucas was not expecting this reaction. “Great! I knew it!”

Lucas raised his eyebrows.

“Not great?” 

“No, not great! Well,” Lucas reconsidered. “It was a great kiss, but the act itself was bad. Very, very bad.”

“Okay,” Zay made his way to the kitchen, where he opened up the fridge and retrieved two soda cans. “Does this have to do with a certain optimistic brunette?” 

Lucas, who had followed him, shot him an obvious look before leaning against the counter, burying his head in his hands. “What got into me?”

“Hormones?”

“It’s not…” Lucas faltered, running a shaky hand through his hair. “I’ve always had feelings for Riley. It’s always been Riley. I mean…hasn’t it?”

“The fact that you’re even questioning it in the first place kind of gives you your answer, don’t’cha think?” Zay said, handing Lucas one of the cans, condensation dripping onto his dry hands. 

Staring at the shining silver ridges in the metal of his can, Lucas tried to ignore the implications of the question Zay had posed, but it was impossible. His actions, his emotions, whatever was happening now, was disrupting their group’s own little world’s axis, and as much as he wished he could freeze time and never have to sort anything out, the need to do so was inescapable. Not being with Riley went against the very nature of their entire childhood, what he had thought was a fundamental aspect of his being since he was three years old. Lucas being with Maya instead of Riley went against gravity and all of physics, for that matter, and, Lucas mused, that felt like a particularly apt description for Maya – like she was otherworldly; a beautiful exception to the strict mathematics of life. He smiled at the thought, and his mood again dampened almost immediately after because he shouldn’t be thinking about Maya like that, about being with Maya. He could never be with Maya. After all, it didn’t follow the rules. 

***

Maya couldn’t help but fidget with her hands in her lap as Riley sat next to her, offering her own commentary and narration to the movie they watched in her room. She was so carefree and giggling, and every time Maya heard the ring of her breathless laugh after a particularly funny comment, she felt a distinct pang of guilt in her chest. Maya knew she had to tell her, but a part of her was yelling at her that she couldn’t, because it would only hurt Riley, and that it didn’t mean anything to Lucas anyway. Telling Riley would be as if Maya was entertaining the possibility of Lucas having romantic feelings for her, which was an idea Maya knew was ridiculous and impossible, no matter how much she wished it wasn’t. 

“Peaches, you okay?” Riley interrupted Maya’s internal monologue, placing a delicate hand on her arm. “You seem really out of it.”

“Huh?” Maya turned to her and shook her head. “No, I’m fine. Promise.” She added at her friend’s skeptical look.

“If you say so,” Riley smiled and pointed at the movie screen. “Remember what we promised each other when he first watched this?” 

Molly Ringwald made a face on the screen as Anthony Michael Hall stumbled over his words, and Maya nodded in response to Riley’s question. “We said we’d never forget each other’s birthdays.”

“That we’d never forget anything,” Riley added. “And we’d always be there for each other.”

For a minute Maya was lost in the memory of ten-year-old Maya and Riley, curled up on the same bed, making devout promises of devotion, and she was comforted by the image. The next, she remembered the kiss, her heart sinking at the thought that she had broken the last part of her promise. And as she matched her best friend’s satisfied smile, she knew she couldn’t tell Riley anything about the day’s events, and turned her gaze back to the television screen.

 

The little convenience store Maya went to get sour straws and gum was fairly empty the next afternoon, save for a few other customers browsing the magazine aisle, but she ran into Lucas coming inside just as she was exiting. They both stopped dead in their tracks, staring wildly at each other like deer in headlights, and she almost dropped the packs of gum and candy in her hand. To prevent this, she stuffed the two items in her jeans pockets, and brushed her hair back from her face in an effort to look calm and presentable. Lucas lifted his hand up in an awkward attempt at a wave, and broke the ice with a feeble, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Maya accompanied her response with a small nod. Then, at the same time – 

“About the other day – ” They both broke off their synchronized sentence with breathy laughs, and Maya said, “You go first.”

“Right,” Lucas cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I mean…it was a mistake. You were right.”

Maya pursed her lips at his words, but Lucas continued.

“I was being totally crazy, you know? It was just – just an impulse and it’d be completely wrong, anyway – because of Riley, I mean…yeah, I’m just…it was a mistake,” he reiterated.

Maya swallowed, plastering an agreeing smile on her face as he finished his mini speech. “Yeah, you’re right. We should just forget it. I mean, it obviously meant – meant nothing.” All of her wished it wasn’t true.

“Yeah, exactly…nothing.” Lucas nodded. He lifted a veiny hand up to rub the back of his neck.

“I guess this means we should just go back to being friends then,” she said, thinking that it wasn’t as if they were anything else anyway.

“Yeah, definitely.” Lucas dropped his hand from his neck and held it out for Maya to take. “Friends.”

She glanced at his extended hand for a second before sliding her hand into his, determinedly ignoring the warmth flooding across her skin as she did so. “Friends,” she agreed. She made a half-hearted motion towards the door with her other hand, letting go of his at the same time, and said, “I should go, then. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Lucas stuttered. “See you later.” 

Maya walked out as quickly as she could without seeming like she was running away, and once she had crossed the street, Lucas followed her steps to the door of the store and watched her retreating back. There was no poetry he could create in his mind as she walked away, no oversimplified explanation for the way she moved or looked. He could not make sense of his feelings at all, except for one thing: that Maya Hart was important to him, and, impulse or not, the kiss had definitely not meant nothing. 

***

It was their tradition for all six of them to go to Riley’s aunt Morgan’s for a weekend in the year. This year, the six of them are fit into two cars to drive to Aunt Morgan’s house for the weekend: Lucas’s and Zay’s. Maya, thankfully, was able to get into Zay’s car, and she didn’t think Lucas minded too much. Smackle joined her, while Riley and Farkle went with Lucas. 

Morgan lived in Concord, and they arrived in only a few hours, all exchanging tight hugs and warm greetings with Morgan, dropping their bags in the one guest room. When they were little, it was a lot easier to all sleep in the same bed, or at the very least the same room. As they’d grown older, they’d had to relegate four to sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags, and two lucky ones got to share the bed. Maya didn’t know why none of them planned which of the six would sleep where earlier, but they hadn’t, and their lack of organization had put her into a situation she desperately wanted to get out of. 

She came out of the bathroom, fully dressed in her pajamas, and promptly ran into Lucas as she headed for the guest room. He was dressed in a white t-shirt and sweatpants, and Maya tried to ignore the definition of his arm muscles in his outfit, instead staring determinedly at his forehead – she couldn’t look him in the eye, either – and choked out a, “Sorry.” 

Lucas cleared his throat. “It’s fine.” 

She motioned to the guest room door, “Let’s just…”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “After you.” 

Maya opened the door and stopped walking only after she was five feet inside the room. “Lucas,” Maya said, her voice curt, and Lucas could tell she was on the verge of explosion. 

He had barely had the time to follow her into the room, and he had not yet seen what Maya had seen, so he responded, “What?”

“Maya pointed at the bodies lying in a deep sleep in the floor. “There are four people on the floor.”

“And?”

“And no one’s in the bed.”

Lucas peered over Maya’s shoulder to view the empty bed. “Ah.”

“Yeah,” Maya turned around to face Lucas. “I am not sleeping in the same bed with you. Do something, Lucas.”

He scoffed, “What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know! Anything!” 

Lucas sighed, nudging Zay, who was snoring in his sleeping bag. When he didn’t wake up, he tried Farkle, then Riley, and then Smackle. None of them responded, nor did they even stir beneath their blankets. Lucas turned to Maya with a hopeless shrug. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“It’ll be fine, Maya.”

She scoffed, stalking over to the bed to pull back the covers with a sharp and angered force. “I don’t want you, like, touching me, okay?”

“What?” Lucas made a face. “I’ll try to restrain myself, Maya.”

“Good.” She lay down on the mattress and pulled the covers up to her chin, turning her body to face away from Lucas’s. She tried not to think about the warmth radiating off of him, and the fact that she actually wished he would touch her, even though she would and could never admit that. 

***

Maya woke up to the soft light dappling the bed covers through the blinds, and when she opened her eyes she realized she was facing Lucas, whose face was terrifyingly close to hers. She had turned back around in her sleep, and groggy as she was, he was so close she could trace the intricacies across his cheeks, connecting the lines like constellations. Lucas stirred, letting out a little groan and lifting one hand up to rub his face. Maya shut her eyes to hide the fact that she was staring, and with her limited senses, she could hear and feel the rustle of the sheets and Lucas’s exhale as he woke up. She attempted to keep a straight face and a steady heartbeat as a moment later she felt the slight brush of his fingers against her cheek, almost like he was reaching out to touch her purposefully, before – 

“Kids, breakfast!”

Lucas pulled his arm back as if he had burned himself, and tried to look natural as Maya yawned next to him. God, he was so dumb. If Riley, or Farkle, or even Smackle had noticed him almost caressing Maya’s face he would be finished. He gave the girl in question a slight nod as she opened her eyes before pulling the covers back and jumping out of bed and heading for the bathroom.

Maya, still lying tangled up in sheets, brushed an agitated hand through her knotted hair and sighed, trying not to think about his hands on her cheek and his hot breath against her lips. 

***

Morgan made Lucas, Maya, and Riley help with lunch, while Farkle, Zay, and Smackle were out buying groceries for dinner. Maya can’t help but laugh to herself about the sick irony of the situation. She was cutting vegetables on one end of the counter, keeping a safe distance from herself and Lucas, who was pounding meat on the other side next to Riley, who was stirring tomato sauce on the stove, when Morgan cut through their silence. 

“So, what’s up with you two, huh?” 

Riley, Maya, and Lucas all glanced up at her question. Riley spoke, “What two?”

“You two,” Morgan elaborated, pointing a finger at Lucas and Riley. “You used to be all cute and touchy. Is that not cool for couples to do anymore or something?”

Riley fidgeted with her hands, looking down at her feet, while Lucas cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. Maya felt like she was swallowing lead, and turned back to her vegetables in an attempt to ignore the events unfolding before her. 

Lucas started, sending a furtive glance to Maya’s back, saying, “We’re not…we actually…”

“We broke up,” Riley finished for him. 

“Oh, wow,” Morgan said, raising her eyebrows. “Well, your father forgot to mention that in his last phone call. I’ll make sure to kill him after you all go home.”

Riley and Lucas each gave her a polite smile, and Riley said, “It’s fine, Aunt Morgan. You didn’t know.”

“I never would have guessed,” Morgan continued. “You two? You were so perfect for each other.” 

Maya set down her knife and announced, “I’m going to run to the bathroom,” before disappearing from the kitchen. 

Lucas watched her go, but she didn’t even look at him as she passed him on the way to the hallway.

 

Riley, however, was still trapped in conversation with Morgan. “Well, things happen.”

“Of course, of course. I’m sorry I brought it up.” 

So was Lucas. 

“It’s fine,” Riley said again, smiling brightly. To assure her aunt, she added, “Really.” 

Lucas nodded, too, and went back to the chicken he was pounding, glancing up at every little noise to see if Maya had yet returned. 

***

It was not until that night that they finally talked. She was sitting outside in the backyard, on the wooden bench they all painted their names on when they were nine, staring up at the stars as if she was trying to get lost in the night. Frankly, she would have gotten lost in anything, now, if it meant not thinking about Lucas. 

As if to mock her, he appeared behind her, and sat down cautiously on the bench beside her. 

Maya didn’t have to look at him to know who it was, and she kept her gaze on the sky above her, waiting for him to speak. 

Finally, he did. “Are you okay?”

Of course he would ask her that. First and foremost, Lucas was always trying to protect her. She almost hated that. She stood up from her seat, and Lucas followed. “I’m fine.”

First and foremost, she was always trying to protect herself. 

“Maya, I know you well enough to know that’s not true.” 

She also should have known that hiding wouldn’t work with him. Maya sighed, bringing her gaze away from the stars and back to the ground, and focusing now on the wildflowers in the grass, she spoke: “Everything is just so complicated.”

Lucas shifted the weight on his feet. “What is?” 

Maya sent him a dissatisfied look. “Don’t play dumb. You know what I’m talking about.” 

Lucas gave an imperceptible nod of his head, as if acknowledging her admonition. “I thought we agreed we were going to forget about that.” 

“I know we agreed.” Maya looked away again, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s just…hard to forget about. Especially when…” 

“Especially when what, Maya?” He pressed. 

Maya huffed in frustration. “Especially when I’m always with you and I’m always close with you!” She was staring at him now with wild eyes and an open heart, and she was just so sick of it all. “Especially when I have to share a bed with you and feel you next to me! Especially when you’re standing here right now and it’s too much because I can’t even think when I’m with you!” She let out a deep breath, exhausted from her confession. 

Without allowing her almost any time at all to take another breath, Lucas stepped forward, grabbed her face between his hands, and kissed her. It was not his most carefully thought through decision, but it was always impulse with Maya, as the record had shown. And he didn’t much care for lists or schedules or thought as his lips moved against hers, sweet and warm and easy, like the most natural thing in the world. Like somehow, thought was not required for it to fit, to be right, between them. And he would have continued in this moment forever, if it was not for the abrupt cough, sounding as if it came from a different planet entirely, that interrupted them. 

The two sprung apart to face Morgan, standing by the looming oak tree that impeded the regular view from the back door, her arms crossed and eyebrows raised. “We were about to play Monopoly. Interested?”

Both of them nodded frantically, hurrying to go back inside, but Maya was stopped by Morgan before she could. 

“Maya…” Morgan started, voice grave.

“I know,” Maya interrupted her. “I know it looks bad, but I’m not…we’re not…” She sighed. “It’s nothing. Please don’t tell Riley.” 

Morgan tilted her head, her eyes pitiful as Maya pleaded with her. “I won’t. But you need to figure this out.”

“Believe me, I’m trying.”

***

Lucas sat across from Maya as they played Monopoly together, and he could not process anything when she bit her lip in concentration or flipped her hair behind her shoulder.  
When Morgan suggested ice cream sundaes for dessert and Riley excitedly agreed, Lucas headed out into the backyard to clear his head.

He was only there alone for a few minutes before Maya joined him. The two were hidden behind the oak tree and some bushes next to it yet again. She kept her distance, which he was almost grateful for, and both of them had their hands stuffed inside their pockets.

With no effort to ease into the conversation, Maya decided to come right out and say it. “What is this, Lucas?”

He glanced at her then, and she was already looking at him, blue eyes like moonlight, both curious and desperate, pleading with him to say just the right words.

She continued: “Because we can’t keep pretending like this doesn’t exist. It’s not fair…to you or me.” She took a deep breath, like the emotional wherewithal was just too much.

Lucas turned his head away from Maya’s to look at the sky. “I don’t know.” He could practically feel her face fall. “I’m just…I can’t get you out of my head.”

Maya sighed, staring at the ground.

“I’m so confused, Maya,” he continued, making eye contact with her again. “You’re my best friend. And then there’s Riley…I just...” He rubbed a hand across his face. “God, I can’t keep kissing you.”

“So stop!” Maya’s voice rose and she could feel it began to crack. “Stop kissing me and getting my hopes up because if you still love Riley you shouldn’t be kissing me!” 

She turned away from him, ready to walk back inside the house, but Lucas reached for her hand, spinning her back around to face him. She could only stare at him, frozen, as he stepped toward her and pressed his lips to hers. 

This time was softer, slower than the last two, but not for lack of passion. This time was a confirmation of their connection, and that made it all the more heated and consuming. Maya found quiet assurance in his lips, smooth against her own, and Lucas was determined to give it to her. This kiss was to assuage all her doubts, because if he had been honest with himself, his confusion was merely a disguise for what he had felt all along, even if he had not yet realized it: he had always, always been thinking of Maya Hart. 

***

Three days later she was on the counter in the boating house, arms wrapped around Lucas’s neck and his around her waist. They were there to celebrate the finishing of her boat, but Maya couldn’t quite think about anything but Lucas’s lips against hers, fervent and purposeful. He pulled her closer by the belt loops on her jeans, breathing deeply as he pressed his lips even firmer to hers. 

“Hmm,” Maya hummed, pushing her hands lightly against Lucas’s shoulders. “Lucas, we have to stop.” 

Lucas pulled away, eyes dazed, and nodded.

“I can’t do this anymore. We have to tell her.”

“I know.” Lucas brought a hand settled on her thigh up to cup her cheek. “I just don’t know how I’m supposed to tell Riley that I’ve become…completely crazy for her best friend.” 

Maya flushed, dropping her gaze from Lucas’s before shaking her head at his comment. “No, I’ll tell her. It should be me.”

“I’m her ex-boyfriend.”

“And I’m her best friend. I hate to break it to ‘ya, cowboy, but we’ve been friends a few years longer than you have.” 

Lucas nodded. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”

“It’s what I need to do.” 

He pressed a soft, quick kiss to the corner of her mouth. Their breath mingling together in the limited space between them, and he had to restrain himself from kissing her fully again, so he stepped back, rocking on his feels and folding his hands behind him. “We should probably leave.”

“Yes, probably,” Maya agreed gravely. 

***

It was incredibly cliché, the way Maya’s memories seemed to play before her as if on a tape as she stood in front of Riley’s house: their first meeting at Riley’s window, chasing Lucas around the front yard, dressing up in costumes with Farkle, painting each other’s nails on the porch swing, and now here she was, about to dismember a history.  
In the corner of her eye Maya spotted a figure coming towards her, and when she turned her head she saw it was Zay, walking over from his own house a little ways away. He stopped next to her and turned to face the Matthews’s house, mimicking her own posture. 

“Hey, Zay.”

“Hey, Hart,” he smiled. “You gonna stand here forever, or you gonna go in sometime?”

“I was planning on the first one,” she admitted. 

Zay nodded knowingly, before saying, “He wants to be with you, Maya.”

Maya whipped her head to look at Zay, eyebrows furrowed in surprise. “How do you know?”

Zay shrugged. “He’s my best friend. I can tell about these things.”

Maya sighed, facing the house once again. “I wish that was more comforting to me right now.”

“I can understand why it isn’t,” Zay said. “Right now, you’ve gotta walk in there and tell your best friend that the only boy she can’t live without – ”

“ – is the same one that I can’t live without,” Maya finished, dropping her gaze to the ground. “You know, part of me thinks she’ll be completely supportive and say it’s okay. The other part of me knows better.” She tucked a strand of hair that was blocking her vision behind one ear and took a deep breath. “Even if she did say it was fine, she’d be lying to protect me. She still wouldn’t feel right about it. I still wouldn’t feel right about it.”

“You never know,” Zay said. 

“Everyone keeps saying that.” 

The front door opened and, much to Maya’s relief, Cory walked out and waved to the pair in his lawn. “Hey, kids. If you’re looking for Riley, she said something about going to the library.” He waved again, this time as a goodbye, before getting into his car and driving away. 

“I should go, then,” Maya said, and Zay gave her a pitiful smile. 

***

Riley came home from the library exhausted and in a bad mood because she’d spent hours there researching for her history project and had barely gotten anywhere. All she wanted to do was sit in bed and watch Pretty Woman, but when she had gotten ready to do so, she realized she had let Zay borrow her DVD copy of the movie. So, she headed over to his house, which was thankfully very close by, to retrieve it. 

He answered the door fairly soon after she had knocked, and greeted her with a tense and unsure smile of which Riley wasn’t quite sure what to make. “Hey, sugar. What can I do for ‘ya?”

“Hey, Zay. Do you have my Pretty Woman DVD?”

“‘Course, I’ll go get it.” Zay motioned for her to come inside and he disappeared into the back of his house where his room was. He reemerged a minute later with a DVD in hand, holding it out for her to take. “Sorry it took me a while to return it.”

“Oh, it’s fine,” she waved his comment away with her hand. “It’s just been a really bad day and I wanted to cheer up.”

Zay nodded, and he had a strange knowing glint in his eye that made Riley furrow her brows. “Ah, I get it.” He ran a hand over his hair. “Look, Riley, I know it sucks, but it’s good Maya told you.”

Riley had no idea what he was talking about, and her expression showed it. “It’s good Maya told me what?”

“Wait…” Zay’s eyes grew large, and his face seemed to ache with sudden regret. “Oh, shit.”

“Zay, tell me what?” Riley pressed.

“I shouldn’t…” Zay’s expression was pained as Riley insisted.

“Zay,” she warned. She paused for a moment before saying, “Is it about Lucas?”

Zay’s facial reaction was answer enough. 

Riley huffed out the breath she had been unconsciously holding in, eyes flickering in every direction from shock. 

“Riley, I’m really sorry.”

“I have to…” Riley turned toward the door, grappling for the handle. “I have to go.” 

*** 

Maya, despite her best efforts, had not been able to locate Riley at the library, so she had given up and gone home, deciding that she would visit Riley that night to tell her. Only part of this decision was due to necessity, the other part due overwhelmingly to Maya’s nausea that was inevitably induced at the thought of confessing to Riley.

Maya had never been a confident person, always strung together by insecurities, but she had always thought if she was anything, she was a good friend to Riley. She could no longer say that. Now, she had to admit to herself and her best friend that she was unworthy of a friendship she’d treasured for seventeen years, and inflict a pain she already knew was impossible to bear on that same friend. Maya could barely look at herself when she thought about it. 

She went to Riley’s that night anyway, knowing full well that she had no other option, and she had just stepped onto the first wooden plank on the front porch when she felt a warm hand grip her arm and spin her around, pulling her away from the door. She knew it was Lucas before she even saw him, which she is only able to do when they’re back out on the fresh lawn. She could see the daisies Riley planted a week ago lining either side of the porch steps. Maya had helped with those. 

“Lucas, what are you doing?” She said as his hand lowered from her arm and grasped her hand. 

“I should do it, Maya,” Lucas said, squeezing her hand in his, and she almost felt comforted despite his frantic tone of voice. “I should be the one to tell her.”

“We talked about this, Lucas,” Maya shook her head. “Riley and I have been best friends since day one.”

“And we used to date! Our relationship is complicated,” he pleaded. “It has to come from me.”

Maya huffed, letting go of Lucas’s hand and immediately experiencing a loss of warmth. “God, I’m freaking out here, Lucas!” Her voice began to rise, trembling. “I can’t bear to tell her myself but I can’t let you tell her and – ”

“ – Okay, okay, okay,” Lucas cut her off, taking both of her shoulders in his hands and trailing them up and down her arms in an attempt to calm her down. He wanted to beat away all of her trepidations – even though he had the same ones – and let her, for once, take a deep breath. “We’ll tell her together, okay? We’ll tell her together.” He had to repeat it to let it truly sink in for himself, and as Maya inhales and exhales, he brushes an escaped tear from her pale cheek along with a strand of yellow hair, thinking she never ceased to look beautiful even among her own destruction. 

At Maya’s slight nod of agreement, they had just started to turn in the direction of the house again, hand in hand, when the front door opened. 

Riley appeared from behind the wooden frame, dark hair pulled up into a messy bun and cheeks flushed from what Lucas could only assume were tears. She stopped on the porch, seemingly unsurprised at the sight before her. Her eyes flickered down to Lucas and Maya’s previously entwined hands, which they had immediately broken when she had stepped out of the house, and back up to each of their faces. “What’s going on here?”

Maya tripped over the little words she could gather into a coherent thought: “W - we’re just…uh…”

“Talking?” Riley offered. 

Maya and Lucas nodded together. 

“About what?

The two in the yard exchanged a look, which Riley narrowed her eyes at the sight of, and Maya tilted her head, finally realizing she had to get this over with somehow. She looked back over at Riley, who was standing straight and firm on her porch, one hand gripping her own waist tightly and the other hanging limp and unsure by her side. 

Maya sighed, then took a deep, shaky breath. “Us. We’re talking about us.”

Riley merely raised her eyebrows, but her otherwise stony and even furious expression indicated that she understood what Maya was trying to say. 

“Riley, we didn’t want to tell you this way,” Lucas contributed, stepping forward toward Riley. 

Riley shrugged. “You didn’t tell me.”

“Y–you know?” Maya asked, glancing at Lucas to gauge his reaction, but he looked as surprised as Maya felt. 

“Zay told me,” Riley said. 

“Zay?” Lucas’s brows furrowed together, his own knowledge of the situation becoming more and more muddled. 

Finally, emotion seemed to break through the cracks in Riley’s composed expression. “How could you keep this from me? How could you sneak around behind my back?” A tear fell from one eye, slipping down her round cheek and staining her white t-shirt. Her lip quivered, and at the sight, Maya wanted to break down herself. “You were two of the most important people in the world to me…How could you do this?” 

The past tense used in Riley’s description of their relationships to her was not lost on Lucas and Maya, and they glanced at each other, seeking advice on what to do. 

Riley scoffed at the little exchange before her, putting a hand up as if to block the two from her sight. “I can hardly look at you.” She backed away toward the door, and as she turned to storm inside Maya called out her name. 

“No, Maya,” Riley said, not even turning around. “I can’t talk to you right now.” With that, she walked inside and let the door slam behind her. 

“I’ll handle it,” Lucas said to Maya, giving her comforting nod before following Riley inside.

***

Riley’s desks, shelves, and windowsills were lined with little unicorn and penguin figurines, interspersed with books. Her teddy bear lay on its side tucked between the pillows on her bed, and her favorite romance movies had their own spot on her bookcase. Last year she’d had Maya paint a mini watercolor version of the famous V-J Day photograph on the wall by her window. She used to stare at it sometimes before going to sleep, dreaming of boys with roses growing between their teeth who would kiss her like that, knowing full well who she had in mind for her fantasies. Looking at it now, she wanted to scrub it off clean. 

She barely registered the sound of her bedroom door opening in her silent rage, but when she turned around, there was Lucas, standing in the middle of her bedroom, guilt written across his face. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, voice choked and cracking. 

“What is this?” Her voice was significantly higher than his. Riley had still not overcome her shock, and it was quickly manifesting itself into pure anger. “You’re with Maya? Maya, Lucas? You were barely even friends a year ago! I don’t get how this happened!”

“Neither did I,” Lucas started, stepping closer, but Riley counteracted with her own step back, holding her hands up in front of her. Lucas sighed. “But it did, and – ”

“ – And? And what?” Riley scoffed. “You’re completely in love? You’ve found your happily ever after?” She mocked the concept because she was almost completely disillusioned by it now, and because the irony of Lucas and Maya getting a happy ending but not her was not lost on her. 

“Riley…”

“I can’t believe this,” Riley rubbed furiously at the tears welling in her eyes. She dropped them a second later, staring at Lucas, and she could not help but ask. “Do you love her?” 

“I…I don’t know,” Lucas said. It was the truth – his feelings were a mess inside his head, and had been for months, and that was one question he did not have the answer to. But…“I just know that I can’t live without her.” 

Riley swallowed, the lump in her throat expanding with every passing minute. “Can you live without me?”

“Riley…” Lucas took a step toward her once again, trying to bridge the growing distance between them. It seemed as if they had already been years apart for much longer than both of them had realized. 

“Do you need her more than you need me?” Riley said, as if rephrasing the question would get her the answer she wanted.

“Our relationships are different,” Lucas said, slowly so as not to make a mistake. “You and your friendship are important to me in a different way.”

Riley scoffed, hanging her head down in embarrassment and disappointment. “We don’t have a friendship anymore.” When she lifted her head again it was to see Lucas’s face fall.

“Riley, come on…” He reached a hand out to touch her but she backed away.

“I can’t be friends with you when you’re with her.” They stared at each other for a still moment, where everything was frozen as Lucas realized what was happening. Finally, Riley said, “Please go.”

Lucas nodded, heading out the door and leaving Riley to wipe her tears away in the dim glow of moon and watercolors. 

He saw her from docks away, feet dangling over the edge of the wood, by the section where her boat was parked beside her. Her hair was almost a silvery yellow underneath the moonlight, and it was all he could see of her from his angle – an angelic half-silhouette he was drawn toward but ultimately knew his fate with. 

When he reached her, she didn’t acknowledge his presence, only staring at the strip of white-blue across the water. He didn’t expect her to look up or greet him, because he knew better than that by now; they were above formalities with each other. 

Still gazing at the water, head turned slightly away from him to hide her tears, Maya said, “I guess we know where go from here, huh?”

Lucas sighed. “We have to break up, Maya.”

“I know,” she replied, voice quick and airy. She looked at him now. 

Her eyes were blue as rainwater, he noticed. The kind she loved to drag him out into and let fall onto her tongue, and he wished he had the time to enjoy the storm.

“It would have been nice, though,” Maya shrugged. “To see where this could go.”

“Yeah,” Lucas nodded. “It would have been nice.” 

***

Everything was tense and awkward and silent for almost two weeks. Two weeks of Maya not talking to Riley, and two weeks of Maya and Lucas avoiding each other in every facet of life, and vice-versa. 

Now, everyone else was caught between them and their drama, trying to split time equally and not take sides so as not to disrupt the group dynamic. But the group dynamic was already ruined, of course, months ago when Riley and Lucas were no longer, well, Riley and Lucas. 

But a week after the incident, Riley approached Lucas at school, and fidgeting with the strap of her purple backpack, asked him to get coffee – she would get hot chocolate, though. Lucas tentatively agreed, unsure of what to expect, but here was Riley, his friend since he was four years old, actually trying to mend the rift between them. He had to say yes. 

After school they went to the coffee shop on Main Street, and Lucas tried his best to ignore the way Maya’s eyesight followed them down the hallway and out of the main entrance. They were both silent the entire way, neither one knowing exactly what to say, but once they’d gotten to the store and ordered their drinks, Riley spoke up. 

“Lucas, I know our situation is very complicated,” she said, her hands cupped tightly around her ceramic mug. “But, after everything we’ve been through…I don’t want to lose you. I’d like to try being friends again.” 

Lucas raised his eyebrows, taken aback at her words, but also elated. “Riley, of course.” He still needed an explanation, though. “But you said that night that we didn’t have a friendship.”

Riley sighed, looking down at the wooden table and fixating on the crevices between the thin planks. “Prom is in a week, and I was thinking about how when we were younger, we used to talk about going to prom together. We made a promise and everything. It made me realize how many memories we have, and how much more important we are than…” She trailed off.

“Riley, is this your way of asking me to go to prom with you?” Lucas said, smiling. 

Riley blushed. “No! No, I –”

“– Of course I will,” he interrupted, and Riley beamed. He couldn’t be with Maya, but if nothing else, he could preserve his friendship with Riley. But, he still didn’t quite understand. “So, are you also forgiving Maya?”

“I don’t want to talk about her,” Riley said, dismissing his question. The thing was, Riley loved Maya more than anyone. And that was the problem: their relationship had been the strongest, the most important, and Maya’s actions hurt all the more because of it.

Lucas frowned, but complied nonetheless.

“Let’s just – let’s just talk about what we’re doing for prom.”

***

“We need to talk about what we’re doing for prom,” Zay said as he approached Maya at her locker the next day, leaning against the metal next to it.

Maya took out her last book and shut it with a clang. “Excuse me?”

Zay repeated his statement. “We’re going together, obviously.”

Maya started walking in the opposite direction, and Zay followed. “And what gave you that idea?”

“Well, I don’t have a date, and I need one, so I’m taking you,” he reasoned, throwing her a grin.

Maya could see through this façade. Zay didn’t have a date, but he wouldn’t have trouble getting one, and she even knew he had a specific girl in mind. He was only sacrificing the opportunity because Maya didn’t have a date, and they both knew why. “I’m not going to prom, Zay.”

“What? Why not?” 

“Gee, I wonder what could possibly make me want to go?” She said sarcastically, clearly addressing Riley and Lucas, who were standing across the hallway chatting. It wasn’t painful to see them together because it was Lucas – even though it was – but because it was Riley, and she had forgiven Lucas, but not Maya. And what had Lucas done that Maya hadn’t?

Well, Riley had loved Lucas, and still did, Maya knew. And Riley’s dream romance was to fragile and too real at this point to be shattered. She would do whatever it took to keep it intact.

Zay interrupted her thought process. “Forget about them, Maya. It’s your prom and you should have fun. Come with me.”

They had stopped walking by now, and Zay was looking at her with such pitiful desperation that she had to concede.

“Fine,” she said, and Zay grinned. She wasn’t sure prom would be fun, so as much as not terrible, especially if she ignored the couple that she could barely stand to see. “But you owe me, Babineaux.”

***

The only word Riley could think of to describe the prom was perfect. The decorations – paper and plastic streamers – although tacky, were cute, and little lights hung down above the dance floor, and there was even punch. It was tacky and cliché, but exactly how Riley had always wanted it. And she was with Lucas. It was perfect.

Maya, however, was not too impressed. She had never been a school dance person, had never been excited about the prospect of spending an awkward and boring night with drunk, horny teenagers in a stuffy gym. She’d only ever gone for Riley, but now she was here without Riley, and she was deeply regretting her decision. 

Across from her, on the other side of the room, sat Lucas and Riley next to each other, talking softly. Riley looked beautiful, Maya observed, in a deep purple dress with a sweetheart neckline. It was the dress she had dreamed of wearing since she was little, Maya realized. Lucas was dressed in the plain and regular prom attire, wearing a black suit and tie over a crisp white shirt. Maya hated that he looked so good in it, and she tore her gaze away from the couple to mock the other students with Zay.

Lucas glanced over at Maya just as she turned away, and it was so fitting for them, because they always seemed to miss each other. She was wearing a slim-fitting V-neck dress, white at the top and all black at the bottom, with her hair straightened and resting on one shoulder. She was laughing conspiratorially with Zay, leaning close to him and whispering, and Lucas was struck with a pang of jealousy at the sight.

He turned his attention back to Riley, trying to listen to what she was saying, because it was over and this was all he had now. 

The night passed by excruciatingly slowly for Lucas, the seconds seemingly ticking by in longer and longer increments. He danced with Riley, and he could only describe it as nice, or comfortable, swaying with her on the dance floor under the fluorescent lights. But when she smiled up at him, dimples prominent and eyes glowing, he did not feel much except for the constant love and friendship he’d always felt for her, but there were no sparks or butterflies or anything resembling what people waxed poetic about love. He just felt fine.

He smiled back anyway, and glanced over her shoulder to where he could see Maya watching them. He caught her eye, and they stayed frozen like that for an infinite moment, stuck in some world where maybe they could be together, until Maya looked away and stood up, walking out of the auditorium.

Riley did not seem to notice Maya’s exit, so Lucas lightly pulled her arms from around his neck and told her he was going to the bathroom, before leaving the room. 

The hallway outside was empty, so he turned the corner to where the main doors stood, and he could see half of Maya’s silhouette through the small rectangular window in the left door. 

She turned around at the sound of the door swinging open, and when she saw it was Lucas walking toward her, she faced away from him again.

He reached her side, shifting his weight between his two feet and glancing at her profile. Her arms were crossed and her jaw tense. Lucas took a deep threat.

“I’m sorry, Maya,” he said. It was all he could think to say. “I didn’t want it to be like this.”

Maya scoffed. “You went to prom with her.” It was a clear and simple statement, but her meaning was obvious. At his silence, though, she shook her head. “It’s fine, Lucas. Whatever.”

“I’m just trying to make amends,” he said.

“I know.”

“I…” Lucas faltered, trying to think of what he could possibly say to her. “I can’t make sense of what I feel. I’m just confused.”

“Well, I’m not.” Maya finally looked at him now, eyes glistening and although she tried to keep a stony expression, she failed. “I know what my feelings are for you. And they’re not something I can just push away. I’ve tried it.”

Lucas could barely breathe as he listened to her, and he wanted so badly to agree, but everything was too complicated, and the words were caught in his throat. 

“It’s okay, Lucas,” she said, nodding, as if trying to convince both him  
and herself. “Go be with Riley. I just can’t stay here anymore.” 

She didn’t give him a chance to answer before she had already started walking away and back into the school to get her coat and bag. Lucas only watched her go, bathed in the late spring humidity, unable to muster the words to call after her.

***

The weather was like a dream the Sunday after prom, and Maya took it as a sign. She had never interpreted the environment as an indicator for her life before, but she guessed Riley had actually influenced her over the years. 

Maya stood on her best friend’s front steps as she had two weeks earlier, contemplating this and more, and waited in anticipation for someone to answer. 

When Riley finally opened the door, she froze in the entryway, staring at the girl in front of her. She didn’t speak, just stood there with one hand on the doorframe and the other on the handle, so Maya did. 

“I know you’re not talking to me right now, but I miss my best friend, and I’m so sorry,” she rushed out. “You have no idea how sorry I am.” 

Riley looked at her, taking in Maya’s frantic eyes and flushed cheeks and wringing hands in front of her. She stepped forward onto the porch and closed the door behind her. 

Maya took that as encouragement, so she continued to talk. “Because I’m really, really sorry. I just got caught up in my feelings, but it wasn’t right to lie to you. None of it was right. You are so important to me and I never want to risk our friendship again. I’m not expecting you to forgive me or for us to magically be okay again, but do you think we can at least try?” She exhaled the last breath she had been keeping in once she finished, waiting patiently for a response. 

To Maya’s surprise, Riley said, “I do forgive you.”

“What?”

“I do forgive you,” Riley repeated. “And I will always love you. I just wish you hadn’t gone behind my back.”

Maya sighed, her gaze dropping to her feet. “I know.”

“I love him,” Riley said, her voice choked and quiet, small in the space between them.

“I know that too,” Maya said, making eye contact with Riley again. Her heart ached for Riley, because Lucas was not hers, not fully anymore, yet he was not Maya’s either. Riley clung to a fantasy and Maya to a lost possibility, both of their grasps slipping. 

“Do you love him?” Riley asked.

Maya was quiet for a minute, because lying meant deceiving Riley once again, and she had already made that mistake. But telling the truth would only make Riley feel guilty, and Maya could not bear to think she had taken something from Riley, no matter how illogical the notion was, so she let go of her own wishful thinking. “It doesn’t matter. I’m sailing away for the summer after my mom and Shawn’s wedding.”

Riley was not naïve, at least not in that moment, and she knew what was hidden beneath Maya’s words, but she could ignore them for now. All she said was, “Where are you going to go?”

Maya shrugged. “Around. Anywhere.” I just have to leave, she thought. 

Riley nodded, and the two were quiet for a bit, both stiff and nervous in the tense silence. 

Finally, Maya spoke again. “You deserve everything you’ve ever wanted, Riles,” she said. She believed it, and that conviction was the whole reason for almost all she had done her whole life, and all she was doing now. 

Riley smiled, tears welling up in her wide eyes, and reached out to squeeze Maya’s hand. It felt good to have her again. “So do you.”

***

Lucas heard about Maya’s sailing plan from Farkle on Tuesday afternoon. Farkle let it slip in conversation and immediately regretted it at the look on Lucas’s face, which was something of a mix between shock and distress. He knew Maya had wanted to sail around once she’d finished her boat, but he couldn’t quite believe she would leave now of all times, and worst of all, that he would not see her for the whole summer. He understood her motives, at least partly, but it felt as if she was giving up. Giving up on what, he didn’t know, because both of them had already conceded on the possibility of a them, but he could not help but think that this was a resignation on a whole other level. 

He formed a plan of action, and when he arrived at his designated spot, he was struck by how unfinished it all was: both the concrete in front of him, and he and Maya together, a constant nagging of what could have been, and what never would be. Unfinished. He started wrote the first letter. 

***

Maya wasn’t sure what compelled her to take a right instead of a left as she exited the grocery store Wednesday night, but she wanted to take a scenic route. But in the chaos of the last few months, she had forgotten what awaited her to the right, and when she finally reached it, was not prepared for what was before her. 

It was her wall, which she was familiar with already. She had painted about a quarter of it in white to get a base for the project she would plan. The rest of it was unfinished, except for one four-letter word that stood out on the brick in thick, red paint: STAY. 

 

Shawn and Katy’s wedding was beautiful, a kind of perfect romantic dream that Maya thought she could be a part of. Standing with Topanga and Riley, watching her mother walk carefully down the aisle, the summer sun washing gold across her figure, a little bit of Maya’s cynicism chipped away. She hadn’t felt so content in weeks. 

When the reception ended, she was already prepared to leave, her bags packed and her goodbyes said – all except one, that was.

She ran into Lucas on her way to the car. He was leaning against it with his arms crossed, waiting, and she felt exhaustion wash over her the minute she saw him. Maya stopped in front of him and greeted him flatly: “Friar.” She moved to the trunk to load the car with her bags. 

“Did you see my message?” He asked, following her. 

“Yes.” She did not make eye contact with him, resolutely stuffing her things inside the trunk.

Lucas raised his eyebrows. “And?”

She closed the trunk and turned to him, hands on her hips in frustration, because it was so much easier than being plain sad. “Why would you write that?”

His response was quick and easy: “Because I think you should.”

Maya scoffed, walking past Lucas to get to the driver’s side door. “You want me to stay here while you’re with Riley? I’ll pass, Ranger Rick.” 

“I’m not with Riley,” Lucas corrected her.

Maya faced him, hand paused on the door handle. “And you’re not with me either. And you’re not going to be. You said you don’t know what your feelings are for me and I need to leave.” She opened the door and got inside her car, immediately driving away, leaving Lucas standing amongst the dust. 

***

Riley found Lucas a few minutes later on the dock by Maya’s house. She strolled over to him with her sandals in her hand and a carefree smile painted on her face. When she reached him, however, she frowned at his own dismayed expression.

“What’s wrong?” She nudged him with her elbow. 

Lucas only glanced at her, not responding to her question.

“Lucas,” Riley said. When he gave an almost miniscule shake of his head, she seemed to have a moment of realization, though. She stared down at her hands, observed the faint veins and chipped nails, and her gaze traveled up her arms and down her legs and she wondered what was there and inside of her that just wasn’t as good as Maya. She took a deep breath. “You want Maya.”

Lucas’s head snapped up to look at her. He still didn’t say anything, but the surprise and guilt apparent in his face was confirmation enough. 

“Go, Lucas,” Riley said. There was no point in fighting it or stepping in the way, now. They had decided on each other a long time ago, and Riley had not been part of their equation. She thought that with time, maybe it would be okay. Maybe she would be okay. 

“Riley…” Lucas shook his head. 

“No, don’t argue with me,” she held up a hand to silence him. “You’re my best friends and I know what you two want. So please just go. Before I change my mind.” 

Lucas stayed still, but Riley could tell she was wearing him down. 

“I can’t just leave you here.”

“Leave me?” She smiled. “I have other friends, you know. I’ll be okay. Go.”

Lucas hesitated for another second, and Riley raised her eyebrows. He grinned, squeezed her arm in a gesture of thanks, and took off running towards the grass to where his car was parked. Riley watched him go, her skin tingling from his touch and her heart aching from his urgency to see Maya, and started to put herself back together. Maybe, with time, she would be okay. 

***

“Maya?” Lucas called, hurrying down the dock towards her boat, which he thankfully saw was still tied up. She was not in it, though, so he spun around in an effort to find her. “Maya?” 

At that moment Maya came down the wooden dock, carrying a soda that Lucas assumed she had just bought. She halted for a split second when she saw him, but regained her composure right after and kept walking. She passed him to jump onto her boat, and set her soda down, turning to face Lucas. “You need something?” 

“I need to talk to you.”

“I’m leaving, Lucas,” she said, stepping off the boat and kneeling to untie its ropes. “If you want to say something, you have to say it quick.”

She was being cold to save herself and Lucas knew that, so he took a deep breath and pressed on: “I’m in love with you.” 

As he said it, he could see her back stiffen and her fingers freeze. He continued, everything rushing out. “I’ve known for a while, I think, deep down, but I was just trying to push it away. But I’ve loved you ever since I kissed you, and probably before that, too.”

Maya stood up now, turning around to face him, and although she was trying desperately to maintain a straight face, he could tell by her eyes that she was ecstatic. 

“And I know I said I was confused before, but I’m not anymore,” he said. “I promise I’m not. This is one of the only things in my life I’ve ever been sure about.”

“What about Riley?”

“She said it was okay,” Lucas said. When she didn’t respond, he raised his eyebrows. “Well?”

A smile finally broke through Maya’s face, and she took a step closer to Lucas, who was mirroring her own grin. Without saying anything, she wrapped her arms around Lucas’s neck, rose up on her toes, and kissed him. 

He responded in kind, placing his hands on her waist and pulling her closer, and it felt like a perfected art, the way they fit together, a synchronized motion they already knew the steps to. The infinitesimal space between them was too much, and they were constantly pushing, pushing, pushing to close it, although it was never enough. Maya had the sun beating down her back and the wind rushing through her hair, yet the only feeling she was even registering was the sensation of Lucas’s touch. 

They pulled back, and Lucas grinned, resting his forehead against hers. “Does that mean you love me back?”

Maya pretended to look torn. “I don’t know. I’m just so confused.” 

“Shut up.” He kissed her again, quick and soft this time. 

“I’m still leaving,” Maya said, voice laced with disappointment. 

Lucas shrugged. “I’ll come with you.” 

Maya pulled her face away from his and raised her eyebrows. “What?”

“I’ll come with you,” Lucas repeated. 

“Are you sure?” 

He let go of her and hopped onto the boat. “What do you think?”

Maya grinned, holding out her hand for him to hoist her up and into the boat. “Are you sure you’re prepared for the sea, Huckleberry? It’s a little different than the wild, wild West.” 

“I think I’ll manage,” he said, finishing Maya’s previous task of untying the ropes. 

And when they were finally off sailing – literally – into the sunset, and Maya observed the trail of ripples they left in their path leading to the dock, she thought the water had the two of them in mind. From the start – whenever that was, because Maya would say it was when they scavenged for snails in the creek, and Lucas would say it was an exchange of comfort on a dock a year later – to now – a dream-like escape on the ocean – and to the finish, which, Maya hoped, had not yet arrived.

**Author's Note:**

> you can follow me on tumblr @corpangah


End file.
